Saturday, September 25, 2010

Our Adoption Story Part 4b--While We Waited Year 2

You can find links to the beginnings of our story here. 

I have really struggled with writing this post because I know many people struggle with infertility, and I do not want to hurt them. However, what happened, happened, and I am truly abysmal at pretending.  Yes, it does make it hard to make friends. 

Anyway, we had waited a year and we started realizing we couldn't live our lives in limbo forever.  We decided we needed to enjoy the kids we had, so I confess we stopped stashing every penny.  We started eating out a little more often.  We spent the night in a hotel so the boys could swim.  

Then in November we all got the flu.  Everyone recovered except me.  I coughed and coughed for two months, and I was constantly nauseous and constantly hungry.  "Oddest flu ever!" I thought.  Finally after Christmas we realized I was pregnant.  Yes, I had skipped, but who doesn't when they are sick and it is the stressful Christmas season.  We were instantly giddy with happiness, and then instantly panicked.  

Since my husband had a vasectomy that the doctor assured us was working, we had dropped my maternity coverage.  When we dropped down to the less expensive coverage the wait period was six months.  Since then they had changed it to nine months.  Since we knew I would have to have a C-section, the fact that it wouldn't be covered by insurance was daunting to say the least.

After a week of lots and lots of phone calls, our insurance company agreed to waive the waiting period and switch me back to the plan that covered maternity.  It would begin in February.  Whew!  This call came in about one hour after my husband talked to his doctor and was assured that his vasectomy was still working.  Perhaps it was just coincidence, but maybe they felt sorry for my husband.  He was the one making all the calls--I am not allowed on the phone with customer service when I am pregnant.

In January, before our insurance started covering medical, I started spotting.  They said it was normal, etc. but I had miscarried before, and I wanted to KNOW.  I already wanted this baby, who I had not anticipated at all, more than I can say.  So we shelled out the $400 for an ultrasound to see her little heart beat beating away.  Yeah, Yeah!  

We started telling people we were pregnant.  Pretty much all of them knew we were adopting and knew Oak was, well, just was.  I felt thankful, mostly thankful, that none of my friends or family assumed the worse about me, though they did make a lot of jokes about the baby looking like Oak, etc.  Now the doctors and nurses I met in the next few months were another thing.  Based on looks and a few things they said, I'm pretty sure some of them was thinking I was pretty lucky to have such a naive husband!

Anyway, the first question everyone asked was, "So you are going to stop the adoption, right?"  Now some of my closest friends that understood my heart phrased it a little more gently, but the consensus was that now that we were pregnant we would give up on adoption.  I was not offended by their questions, just startled because it did not even enter our mind.  We had been praying for this future little girl for two years.  To give up now would be like an abortion to me.  I did answer the question this way a few times, but people looked so horrified that I tempered the phrase to "it would be like a miscarriage."  I needed them to understand that giving up would be painful like losing a child.  (Now please don't get on my case about a sense of entitlement to a child from China; if China fixes all their problems and there is no need, I will joyfully grieve my miscarriage.)

At the end of January, we went to meet the nurse, and apparently had to have all our lab work done, too.   Oops, that could have really easily waited until it was covered by insurance.  I know it is rude to talk about money, but Sunflower ended up being one expensive baby--oh, no, I mean, having Sunflower was expensive.  The expenses took most of our savings and purchasing a car big enough to fit three car seats took the rest (though not the money gifted for the adoption).

Now there are practical issues about the adoption that needed to be addressed to stay in the program.  China had started to be more willing to allow you to have/adopt another child while waiting, but they did ask that you not adopt from them until the child had been in your home one year.  We did not redo the math, but went on the math that we would get a referral two years from Aug. 1, 2007, so Sunflower would be exactly one year.  We told our agency.  They said we would need to send an update to China as our referral got closer, possibly our file would need to be put on hold, but most likely we just needed to be open to "artificial twinning" the children.  We were.  Problem solved. 

If we had done the math, we wouldn't have even worried about artificial twinning, because after 6 months of referrals, we still had 7.5 months of LIDs before us.  This meant it was taking about 4 months of referrals for 1 month of LID's.  Thus, 7.5x4=31.5 months.  Our wait was only growing.  However, we didn't bother to look, so hadn't lost heart yet.
Referral Date        LID            Length of wait
768 days
745 days
2007-12-05     2005-12-14          721 days
694 days
672 days
647 days
619 days

Thus followed the longest 10 months of my life.  Yes, by February we only had 6 months until birth, but trust me, we spent 10 months of life between February and August.  I was tired and hungry and emotional, as I had been with the boys.  However, I also had a perpetual cold that the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist diagnosed as producing extra fluids that make you congested because I was pregnant.  I got a laryngitis bug that caused everyone to lose their voices for one-two days.  The bug left me in two days, but my extra fluid prevented healing of my vocal cords, so for 6 weeks I had no voice AT ALL.  After that I just sounded horrible, coughed all the time, and threw up every morning.  And, I do not want to go into how perpetually angry I was through out the pregnancy.  Those hormones were playing havoc with my ability to hold my temper, and my husband was crying, "never, never again!"

So that brings us to the two year anniversary of our Document to China.  The wait was only growing longer, but we didn't pay any attention to it, so it wasn't a problem for us.  We were only thankful we weren't traveling to China with a pregnant Cedar. In retrospect, I am even more grateful we didn't look at the numbers, because in the remaining 6 months of my pregnancy, China only got through one month--January 2006.  There are now only 6.5 months of LID before us, but at 6 months for a month--6 x 6.5=39 more months!

Referral Date           LID              Length of Wait
2008-08-08          2006-01-31       
920 days
891 days
866 days
843 days
817 days
789 days

Thus ends year two of our wait.
Click here to go to the next part of the story. 


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