Since I wrote my post about giving control back to God a few weeks ago, I have been a lot better. A lot less anxious. In fact just yesterday I was thinking I needed to write a post about how amazing the peace has been compared to the weeks previously...peace that could have only come from God, peace that defies understanding.
Then today I slipped off the rock...again. Travel March 28th can only happen if we get our TA soon...we are willing to fly out the next day but there are appointments, governments, and hotels that have to work out. There is a Tomb Sweeping Day early April that complicates Metcha Days and Province travel...and the hotels are oddly fullish for the second week of April in Guangzhou. We are willing to travel next day after TA but the longer we wait for TA the less likely all the other ducks will fall in a row.
Plus there has been no big batches of TAs recently. People who have waited 3 weeks have not received their TAs, and we have only waited one week. I don't want to skip ahead...and possibly we'll ALL get our TAs this week (certainly that is my prayer) but if we have to wait for over 3 weeks the March dates are probably not going to happen.
I "conversed" -- I should just say e-mailed but technically it is called posting on the portal --with our agency today. And they concur. March date is still currently a possibility...but it might just not happen. She wants me to prepare myself for that scenario. The problem is their in China rep suggests we travel May 2nd if we cannot get in this group thus avoiding the pesky Trade Fair I keep not mentioning.
May 2nd? Whaaaaa! I don't WANT to wait until May. Once we get TA they'll try for other options, but it just might be what it is.
I try to remind myself that Sweet Pea is content where she is. May travel will be warmer. It will still have been only a little more than 15 weeks since we saw her face that we'll have her in our arms (March 28th travel would have been only a little over 10 weeks...a much nicer number). 15 weeks isn't horrible. People in the WC program wait a LOT longer because the different steps they have. I know one person on facebook who was matched over a year ago...every step took extra time for them...every step. 15 weeks is a huge blessing. Plus in May we will still have only missed 9 months of her life.
In the long run if May travel is what happens those things will be comforting, but right now...not so much.
However, I still cannot let myself spiral down into the hole I was in before I gave it all to God.
One thing, I really do believe He is a God of miracles and all these complications might just be showing up and seeming more insurmountable so that He gets the glory when they are moved. The bigger the mountain the bigger the glory...and I'll be honest...it looks like a VERY BIG MOUNTAIN.
Secondly, poor Sunflower does not like Mama being sad. While I was keening (yes, keening is the best word for it) on the phone to my husband, Sunflower was doing her best to cheer Mama up.
She fed me crackers (it is very hard to keen with triscuits in your mouth). Sang the Barney song. Patted me. Said, "Mama, don't be sad. I'm cheering you up. It's okay, hon." She is SO sweet!
At each attempt I patted her back and said "oh sweety, you are cheering me up. Your very presence cheers me up." I find her personal rendition of the Barney song -- I love you; You love me; I love you; You love me -- particularly cheering.
So I stopped keening, crying and whimpering. I watched...actually watched...Dinosaur Train with Sunflower. My husband came home from work early (if we aren't leaving until May then taking time off now won't matter is what he said). Left hubby with Sunflower, went upstairs, read a book on my Kindle and napped. Came down to my whole family and a great dinner. Took Huckleberry to youth group and waited at the church for him while working on my Jeremiah Bible study homework.
So today my feet slipped off the rock into the water but for now I am resting in the Rock of my Salvation once again. Tomorrow I think I'll wear rubber boots.*
* I need the boots in case I slip off the Rock again...but also on RQ people call it a "flood" when lots of TAs, PAs, and LOAs start arriving. Either way it is likely my feet will get wet; I pray it is for the latter reason.
Then today I slipped off the rock...again. Travel March 28th can only happen if we get our TA soon...we are willing to fly out the next day but there are appointments, governments, and hotels that have to work out. There is a Tomb Sweeping Day early April that complicates Metcha Days and Province travel...and the hotels are oddly fullish for the second week of April in Guangzhou. We are willing to travel next day after TA but the longer we wait for TA the less likely all the other ducks will fall in a row.
Plus there has been no big batches of TAs recently. People who have waited 3 weeks have not received their TAs, and we have only waited one week. I don't want to skip ahead...and possibly we'll ALL get our TAs this week (certainly that is my prayer) but if we have to wait for over 3 weeks the March dates are probably not going to happen.
I "conversed" -- I should just say e-mailed but technically it is called posting on the portal --with our agency today. And they concur. March date is still currently a possibility...but it might just not happen. She wants me to prepare myself for that scenario. The problem is their in China rep suggests we travel May 2nd if we cannot get in this group thus avoiding the pesky Trade Fair I keep not mentioning.
May 2nd? Whaaaaa! I don't WANT to wait until May. Once we get TA they'll try for other options, but it just might be what it is.
I try to remind myself that Sweet Pea is content where she is. May travel will be warmer. It will still have been only a little more than 15 weeks since we saw her face that we'll have her in our arms (March 28th travel would have been only a little over 10 weeks...a much nicer number). 15 weeks isn't horrible. People in the WC program wait a LOT longer because the different steps they have. I know one person on facebook who was matched over a year ago...every step took extra time for them...every step. 15 weeks is a huge blessing. Plus in May we will still have only missed 9 months of her life.
In the long run if May travel is what happens those things will be comforting, but right now...not so much.
However, I still cannot let myself spiral down into the hole I was in before I gave it all to God.
One thing, I really do believe He is a God of miracles and all these complications might just be showing up and seeming more insurmountable so that He gets the glory when they are moved. The bigger the mountain the bigger the glory...and I'll be honest...it looks like a VERY BIG MOUNTAIN.
Secondly, poor Sunflower does not like Mama being sad. While I was keening (yes, keening is the best word for it) on the phone to my husband, Sunflower was doing her best to cheer Mama up.
She fed me crackers (it is very hard to keen with triscuits in your mouth). Sang the Barney song. Patted me. Said, "Mama, don't be sad. I'm cheering you up. It's okay, hon." She is SO sweet!
At each attempt I patted her back and said "oh sweety, you are cheering me up. Your very presence cheers me up." I find her personal rendition of the Barney song -- I love you; You love me; I love you; You love me -- particularly cheering.
So I stopped keening, crying and whimpering. I watched...actually watched...Dinosaur Train with Sunflower. My husband came home from work early (if we aren't leaving until May then taking time off now won't matter is what he said). Left hubby with Sunflower, went upstairs, read a book on my Kindle and napped. Came down to my whole family and a great dinner. Took Huckleberry to youth group and waited at the church for him while working on my Jeremiah Bible study homework.
So today my feet slipped off the rock into the water but for now I am resting in the Rock of my Salvation once again. Tomorrow I think I'll wear rubber boots.*
* I need the boots in case I slip off the Rock again...but also on RQ people call it a "flood" when lots of TAs, PAs, and LOAs start arriving. Either way it is likely my feet will get wet; I pray it is for the latter reason.
1 comment:
I was totally thinking about you yesterday and praying for you!!! It's okay to be weak....He loves being our strength. I wish I could give you a hug.
We'll just have to plan that Colorado vacation if you don't leave in March.
But...I am still praying for that...and it is what I prayed yesterday for you, too. :)
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