Thursday, February 23, 2012

One More Step

Today we did get official notification that our paperwork was dropped off at the US consulate in China on Tuesday, February 21st and so our Article 5 will be issued and ready for pick-up on Tuesday, March 6th.  I am hoping will make the next few weeks a little more peaceful as nothing can be done to change the timing and we are not expecting any news during this time.

In fact, while I hope the predictability of the next few weeks will help, I am also hoping I can find a way to relax and trust God overall.  For 6 years I have been seeking Him and MOST of the time trusting Him in this whole process.  You would think I wouldn't need to be reminded again in these last few months now that the beginning is finally in sight.

But I do.  My friends say, God is in control.  My adoption buddies say, There is a perfect plan and a reason.  My photography club speaker...yes, really the speaker tonight at my photography club meeting...ended his talk on how to take pictures of wildlife with "sometimes you need to seek God's perspective.  You can get so focused on getting what you want (ie the picture of the wild animal) that you ignore reason and do what YOU want when GOD is saying, 'Stay in the truck, Dick!'"

So I have been pretty focused on what I want--my baby home, to just know her size so I can buy her clothes, to have an accurate estimate for travel, to know I can travel during the trade fair if that is what timing is, to travel with others I have met on-line, to just be able to hold her and love her and start the process of bonding, etc.  When the truth is April or May is NOT the end of the world.  

But even more importantly, the truth is GOD is in control.  He does love me and my family.  He does see the big picture.   He knows what will happen.  He is not the creator of the chaos I feel.  He is a God of peace.  His goal is not my happiness, but my relationship with Him.  I have not been submitting to Him or trusting Him these last few weeks.  It isn't about when we will or will not travel.  It has been about me thinking I was the one in control; that if I just did everything exactly right it would go my way.  

Maybe God will work it all out and we will travel the first two weeks of April.  Maybe mid-April.  Maybe late April/early May.  Actually, it would be good idea to turn this all over to Him again.  I cannot make early April happen.  I have no power and cannot perform miracles, but you know what?  

God can!  But even if He chooses not to perform this miracle...I WILL trust Him. 
(This was one of the 4 out of 70 technical winners at my photography club tonight for Emotive Expressions! Excited!)
Even if some days it is a real struggle to wipe the glare off my heart and lean into Him.
 I wish I didn't keep needing reminders.


No Greater Love said...

Oh, don't we all need reminders, constantly. :) But, in the discipline of getting reminded that yet again we are seeking to "control" we also can have such comfort that we ARE His children. He delights in you, Cedar....delights that He can call you daughter.

May you experience His complete peace this next month or months before you travel....treasuring and pondering in your heart all that the Lord has done...and will do. :)

Andrea Dawn said...

Love your authentic vulnerability here, Cedar, and praying you are able to rest in Him.

Stephanie said...

Hang in there!!

No Greater Love said...

I'm ready for another post from you...just to let you know. :o) I'm having withdrawals....