Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Our Adoption Story Part 5--Why a Girl?

You can find the rest of our adoption story here.
Okay, if you have read the other parts of our story and about our family, the answer to this question might be obvious.  When we started the process we had two boys.  We wanted a girl.  While we chose China for these reasons we also knew that most children being adopted from China were girls.  In the past five years the whole International Adoption program from China has changed.   Now there are more boys, particularly waiting boys, and we have a daughter through other means.  However, try as I might, I still want a girl, and I'll admit, I feel a little guilty about it.

When we first started this process we were careful to say "God led us to start the paperwork on adoption.  We don't know what it will lead to but we hope a baby girl from China."  As we finished all our paperwork and started waiting with no obstacles being put in our way, we stopped being careful about not planning for tomorrow, and started expecting--expecting a little girl.  

For Huckleberry that she would be a girl was a given.  He has always wanted a baby sister.  When we were pregnant with Huckleberry we did not find out his gender because we wanted the surprise and were open to either.  When we were pregnant with SnapDragon we did find out his gender.  We had to.  Huckleberry was telling everyone he was getting a little sister named Agig-gail (Abigail is not Sunflower's name).  So we decided we needed to prep him to prepare if it wasn't a girl.  

He came with us to the ultrasound and was super well behaved.  He listened as the lady counted legs and arms and measured every piece of the baby, and he smiled happily.  Finally she asked us if we wanted to know the gender.


"It's a boy!"

"I'm done!" said Huckleberry and he left the room.  Oak had to chase him down.  He was 3 1/2 at the time.

He adjusted to having a little brother quick enough, but he still wanted a sister.  When we came home from our adoption agency with a brochure, we told him.  (I have since learned that many people wait to tell their children, which makes sense because they get tired of waiting, but honestly we are horrible at keeping secrets from our kiddos.  Even if we knew it would take 5 years we probably would have told him).  Anyway, we asked him if he would like a little sister that looked a little like the girl on the brochure.

"No.  I just don't like how she looks!"  He was 5 at the time.

We were horrified.  How did we raise a child who was racist?  We'd better fix this right away!  Umm, first gather more information.

"What exactly about her looks don't you like?"

"I think her yellow sweater is really ugly!"

"Oh, so if we could get her another sweater?  If we let you pick out some of her clothes?"

"Yeah, then I'd like a sister like her."

Move forward 5 years, and we all still want that daughter/sister.  The whole family is looking forward to her arrival and even Sunflower has been told about her sister in China.  We have been praying for "her" for 5 years.  Now God can bring us a little boy, and we will love him, but we will have to mourn the idea of that little girl--or adopt two, a boy and a girl.  We have always wanted to adopt two from China, but gave it up as happily impossible when Sunflower was born.  Now my husband and I are both feeling a desire for two, but it still looks impossible.  Maybe God will give us a boy first so we don't let fear and finances hold us back from obeying Him.   I'll be honest--as I have been holding everything back up until now--it may take getting the boy first to motivate us enough to do all that is necessary to adopt a second child from China and a fifth child total.  That is if God does want us to have 5 children, not 4.


Nancy said...

Wow, that's letting the cat out of the bag! Maybe 2 hu? As a mama who did 2 at once, I have my definite opinions about adopting 2 at at same time. You'll find it is quite controversial, except in China circles where it is a relatively new prospect.
I think prayer and LOTS of listen Him will guide you appropriately and answer the 2 or 1 and the boy girl either question!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I get this post. The Tongginator wants a sister. We started out expecting a girl because, back in 2005, the expectation was still that girls were the ones living in orphanages. We've been waiting over four years... expecting a girl. Times have changed drastically in China, but that expectation is still there. If we receive a surprise boy referral, we will of course feel very blessed. But we will still need to mourn the loss.

I guess I put it all out there, too, didn't I?