Loss--Again. I am sorry.

It has happened again.  Every time I post something I think is deep and profound, two things happen.  I remember the eight other things I meant to say and I read a post on the same topic only it is deeper and more profound.

Usually I just suck it up and accept that others write better than I do.  I've known this for a long time; ever since my professors in college told me I had a casual writing style and steered me to creative writing.  Personally, I think I would write better and have a better chance of realizing my now-not-so-secret dream of being on Sunday Linkage if I used a smaller font.  However, my husband won't read my blog if my font is smaller and I cannot bear to lose even one reader.

But this time I really want to link you to the more profound post on loss.  I really do feel like my post is a bad plagiarism of hers, but I promise I did not see hers until after I had posted.  If you want to hear how one adult adoptee feels about loss, this is a good post to read.  She also gets into the universal stages of grief which is one of the 8 things I forgot to mention.

 I Cannot Deny It at The adopted ones blog by shadowtheadoptee.

The other most important things I left out are:

Adoption loss is not the only loss that is ignored and dismissed.  As a society we do not take the time to grieve, and we do not always give sympathy where we should.  However, while everyone experiences insensitive comments at times, it is a consistent, persistent problem for adoptees.

For my friends who have lost their mothers more recently than I, the grief is less intense as time passes.  When you get to the stage of acceptance you don't forget your mother and stop feeling sad about all the could have beens.  Instead, the sadness over your loss becomes like a comfortable blanket.  You start to recognize it for what it is and personally I find it comforting.  It says my mother mattered to me and I will not forget her.  It gives me hope that I matter to my daughter.  It shows me the importance of connections between humans, and I find that beautiful.  I don't know how it applies if your relationship was more painful and complicated, but I want everyone to know there is hope.

And speaking of hope, I do believe God can heal and will comfort anyone who seeks it from Him.  Sometimes we have scars that will not be completely healed on this side of Heaven, but God knows and He cares.