Saturday, January 29, 2011

Why I Think Saying "In His Time" Sometimes is Uucky

I want to use a stronger word, but my boys read my blog.  I believe God is sovereign and is in control of all things.  I also believe He gave us free will and we mess things up, but ultimately His plan will come together--In His Time.  However, sometimes we say these words in comfort when in reality they are irrelevant drivel.

Sure there are some things we know are God's plan because He has spelled it out in the Bible or we've heard a word from the Lord or it just is going to happen.

Someday God will restore the Kingdom of Israel but...In His Time.
Someday Jesus will come back but...In His Time.
Someday I will die but...In His Time.
Someday I will be made perfect but...In His Time.
If I was matched with a child, Someday I will be with her but...In His Time.

But sometimes it isn't about "In His Time" but "If It Be His Will."

Someday I will be rich (probably not) but...If It Be His Will.
Someday I will publish a book (fun) but...If It Be His Will.
Someday I will have a bigger house but..If It Be His Will.
Someday my kids will be grown-up and living but...If It Be His Will.
Someday I will adopt from China but...If It Be His Will.

Now I believe with all of my heart the God loves me and that He wants to give me the desires of my heart, and man-o-man, does my heart desire a daughter from China.  However, every time I pray I cannot stop myself from throwing in that little caveat--"but Lord, most of all, I want to become the person you want me to be; mold me, shape me, make me.  I want to obey you and do your will."  And you know, He hasn't taken away the desire for a daughter, but I sure have grown as a person and in knowledge, understanding, and love of the Lord.  

Someday, "If It Be His Will" I will adopt a daughter from China "In His Time."

But you know what, the last five years of growth and learning could be about something completely different.  Maybe someday God will have me use my Biblical Counseling classes and all I've learned about adoption to become an adoption counselor or a social worker.  Maybe all the books on trans-racial adoption I read are about preparing me to stand against racism in America.  Perhaps the angst and the wait is solely about my faith in God growing stronger--because, you know, my faith in Him is that important to Him.

I don't know.  

I'd like to think it is about those things and someday ending up with a fourth child, but I don't know.

And today I'm okay with I don't know.  It is the "In His Time" with which I'm having problems.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-12 "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live."

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