Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Our Adoption Story Part 6a--Why Not Special Needs?

I started a nice long post (and boring) post on why we aren't adopting through the special needs program.  Several paragraphs to explain that when we started the SN program did not exist as it is today and that for the last few years we were not in a position to accept any referral for various reasons--my pregnancy, the birth of our daughter, and family issues.  Now I've edited it all down to a few sentences, because honestly the past doesn't matter; we feel no regret over the choices we made in the last five years.  The real questions is, "why don't you switch today?"  Now I don't feel a need to answer this question to anonymous forum posts that aren't directed at me by people who don't know me at all.  I need to answer this question because I am wrestling with the answer.  I started this blog to help ME verbally process things, and, while it makes me very, very happy that I have a few readers and comments, my intended audience is still my heart. 

Okay, so for our current situation, there are actually two answers.  We should not switch, and we should switch.  First, we really don't see any reason to pull our current dossier with China to switch to a SN program.  If we did this within our agency I don't think we would necessarily receive a SN referral we could accept before our original LID would be referred.  Partly because our agency is--hopefully--briefly suspended from China, and partly because I do not get the impression they are quick at finding matches.  I could be wrong about their ability to find good matches, but basically I would not want to do a SN referral with them.  Therefore, switching to SN would entail switching agencies, and we are not prepared to do this at this time.  So really we aren't questioning our choice here at all.

Now the reason why the answer is also we should switch is that if we were to do a second Chinese adoption, it would have to be from the SN program.  It would not be emotionally healthy or practical to start again with a 2010/2011 LID in the NSN line.  What we are still thinking and praying about and waiting for an answer from God on is: What about a second adoption through the special needs program?  And is it is possible to start and complete a SN adoption through another agency while we wait for our NSN referral with enough time to be home with our first child before going back?  And should we just start a SN adoption and pull our NSN dossier when it's complete, basically writing off the last 5 years?  And do we actually want 5 children, we always wanted two from China, but 5 children?  And what aspects of SN referral do we need to become educated on and understand in our hearts before we start?  And what SN can we emotionally, financially, and realistically put down on a medical check list?  And could we handle adopting an older child or out of birth order?

We do have some answers already, some answers we are still wrestling with, and some answers we will only find after talking to others, so this is just a teaser into what is going on in my heart and mind.  There will probably be several posts on this topic before anything is final.  In the meantime, if you have any answers feel free to share them!


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