This Is Serious -- Not

You know you've been watching too much Wonder Pets when you roll over in the middle of the night and sing "This is Serious!"  I was either dreaming that my husband needed new clothes or that our adoption agency denied our homestudy--one of which is true and really not that serious and one which is not true but would be very serious.

I have been dreaming about the homestudy a lot and our agency saying no.  And then coming with CPS to take the rest of the kids, because if we cannot parent a new child can we really parent the ones we have.  Hopefully we'll have a yes early next week and we can move on to the next step with no more nightmares.  Some days, which I actually haven't had too recently, when I'm tempted to lock myself in my room and let the kids fend for themselves, I do wonder why we want a fourth child.  I wonder if we can really "handle it" as my case worker asked. 

Especially when my middle child falls off the bunk bead ladder 10 minutes after going to bed and my oldest runs into our room screaming as if the end of the world had come.  Turned out there will barely be a bruise, but hysteria did ensue, and not just from the children (not Sunflower, she slept through it all!)

I know we have great children and at times we make fairly decent parents.  We often fail at a lot of the should haves (like keeping the yard weeded) but most of the time we succeed at the have tos. I also know that God will give us the wisdom, strength, and patience we'll need when the need arises if we seek Him.  I also know that if we reach a point where we feel over our heads we have family, friends, and a strong church family to reach out to for help.  We are so very blessed.

No, there is no reason to have nightmares about our agency rejecting us for adoption.  Unless they misunderstand something.  Like the fact that we signed something saying we will not spank or use corporal punishment with our adopted child (and by default our current children after the adoption.)  And we totally intend to abide by that and in fact, do prefer time outs and "love and logic" methods of discipline.  The Connected Child was a very useful book.

But today, when I told the joke, "What do you get if you throw a stick of butter out the window?"

Sunflower said, "A spanking."

The real answer is a butterfly.
 

Time Line

Oh my goodness!  China has officially matched families with login dates upto July 28th, 2006.  That is a two week jump which is very exciting.  It is okay, I'm not rejoicing at more orphans, but more families being made.  There are actually not a lot of families represented by those two weeks at the Chinese adoption offices were closed for a good portion of that time.  But it brings us closer, oh, so much closer.  There are only 18 days of LIDs in front of us in line...18 days!

Now we just need our homestudy signed, sealed, and delivered!  Our social worker said she hopes to have it back next week sometime.  We cannot press for them to hurry because that just brings on the reminder that IF we had just kept our paperwork upto date...

We could have a referral in as little as 3 months...or as much as 8 months.  A referral is when they send us a tiny little picture of the child they are going to allow us to adopt.  It will be the first day that we see our daughter's face and learn her name.  It will be a very exciting day!

So I have never really explained the timeline we will be looking at on the blog; partly because I don't exactly understand it myself, but I'm going to try.  Feel free to ignore the rest of this post.  (I know my day to day friends hear it weekly, but some may be curious.)

We sent our paperwork to China and got a LID 8/15/2006
We waited.
Currently China is matched up through families with LID 7/28/2006
We wait some more.

Approximately once a month China releases more matches.  These matches are done all internal to China and who the children are waiting for these matches are is known only to China.  No one knows anything about their match ahead of time aside from what they requested on their paperwork--typically healthy girl, 0-12 months or as young as possible for US submitted paperwork.  (Those with less rigid desires have usually been steered to special needs by now.)  But China can match you with a child that does not fit those parameters.  Some people's paperwork will say boy or girl, but when everyone filled their paperwork out in 2006, if you wanted a boy you were steered to another country.  We were open to a little older and/or minor special needs, but our homestudy still says girl, 12 months or younger.  In 2006 it seemed so reasonable.  After all, there were so many baby girls needing homes.

The next group to get a match will have a LID of 7/29/2006 plus some days.  This matching will probably occur around the end of October.  The number of additional days that will be matched will vary--It has been as few as 2 days and as much as 14 days, currently over the last year an average of 5 days.  If they go 5 days the batch will include families with LID 7/29/2006- 8/2/2006.  This is not beyond the realm of possibility.  Then another 5 would get them to 8/7 and another 5--8/12 and then we would be in the next batch!  That is only 4 batches, Oct. Nov. Dec. Jan.  It could go up or down by several months.  If they just do 6 days each time we would have a referral 3 months from now, just in time for the new year.

Hopefully by the time we get our referral, whether in 3 months or 6 months (if they match 2 days at a time) we will have our homestudy finalized and our i-800 approved.

After referral we send a letter to accept the referral--RA
Then all the different US steps surrounding the i-800
Then Travel Approval
Then Consulate appointment in China (a week after picking up the child)

The timeline on all this varies, but typically a family will travel 2-4 months after referral. Our agency appears to be fairly slow at this part of it, so I'm not expecting to travel until 4 months after seeing my baby's face, but that can be different depending on Chinese holidays or other traveling families.  We will be in China for two weeks and the adoption is finalized in China.  We can redo the adoption in our state which is recommended.

So it should be clear why having our i-800 done now would be a good thing, but really God's hand has been in it all...I expect He will be in this as well.  Or at least that is the only explanation for why I am not completely panicked and calling my agency hourly.

Instead, I'm going to go pick up SnapDragon from his every Wednesday early release.  Are my children never at school?
 

First Day of Middle School

Today was Huckleberry's first day of school.  Okay, not really, but it feels like it.  He had gone to school 5 days, then 8 days of strike, then 2 days back without his schedule being changed.

Today he starts with his new schedule, and every single class is changed.  He has the same teachers for math, science, and still has music technology, but at different times.  His humanity class is a different hour and a different teacher.  But boys choir is now Spanish and General Studies is now band, so no complaints. 

Actually since Friday they told him they couldn't give him Spanish, I am really thrilled.  Monday they told him they could only give him band IF he took Spanish.  Was that okay?   Ummm, yeah! 

Of course that is why everything else is changed to put him into the smaller Spanish and Band classes, but he doesn't mind at all.  Other kids might be afraid to start all over and be behind in two out of 8 classes, but he is just fine with it.  In fact because they only meet for four classes each day and Science switched days, he was two days ahead in that class.  Gives him time to catch up in Spanish (though the Spanish he had in 4th and 5th grade is helping with that.)

They also started their after school programs this week.  He joined the robotics club and since they have a competition December 3rd, he is eager to stay after school every Monday - Thursday.  

So since he is now involved in all of the things he wanted to do at school, he considers Middle School to be perfect.  He even gets to play saxophone in band which was his instrument of choice.  Nevermind that we own two flutes, two trombones, and a French horn.  It had to be saxophone.
 

Rainbow

I had a great weekend away, very relaxing, lots of movies, putting together a puzzle, not much sleep, but time to do my Jeremiah homework, and lots and lots of picture taking.  I'll share more photos in the next few weeks (though mostly on my photography blog) but I thought this picture was perfect for scripture and a snapshot.

We were leaving the condo to go walk around town and take pictures (my friend also loves photography) when we saw a rainbow on the side of the road.  It was hard to find a place to pull over that had space through the trees but when she did find a spot, we knew it was the perfect spot, even with a fence and power lines.

A rainbow and a cross...such a beautiful reminder of the promised savior that has come and redeemed us from our sins and will come again.  So very comforting and encouraging (especially when one is studying Jeremiah)--a glorious gift from God.



 

Potter and Sunflower

I am leaving in 45 minutes to spend the weekend away.  I would be embarrassed to admit what I was leaving to do, but if I am to be me it would be silly to try to hide my taste in fiction.  My friend and I are going away to stay at a condo and watch all the Harry Potter movies in one weekend.  There was to be 3 of us--and still could be...just call Oak to get Julie's cell!  My friend planned it all out and even created the weekend menu out of a Harry Potter cook book--including chocolate frogs.

But since I have a little time before I go, and I actually got most of my have tos done (enough that Oak will be quite pleased), I thought I would leave you a few photos for favorite photo Friday.

Do not ask me why she looks like a one year old dressed her.  I promise her outfit was chosen by a three year old.

 What you cannot see is the she is also wearing a denim skirt under the dress.

This is maybe my favorite photo of the week...or at least of Sunflower at that particular moment.  She was tired after a long day of walking around our church's neighborhood handing out invitations to our upcoming Marriage Conference. 

Have a great weekend!  I plan to though I will miss my family!

The Arms of God

Aah!  It is 10:30 a.m. and I don't have any of the 3 really, really want to do today things done yet.  You may be wondering why if I have 3 things to do I'm writing a blog post, but notice I didn't say I have 3 have to do things to do; one of the things on my want to do list is to write a blog post.  I have actually done a few have to do things and had a few phone calls...3 4 in fact.  But I haven't been able to get to my want to dos.  Oh, and I just remembered another have to do.

Okay, this sounds like I feel entitled to have time for my want to dos.  That isn't what I mean.  I realize caring for my family and commitment to others comes before my "hobbies."  It is just that God gave me such a big hug yesterday I want to share, but I'm not sure I have time to explain it clearly.  It wasn't a physical or circumstantial blessing like finally getting our homestudy approved; it was a heart hug...and those are difficult to put into words.

Let us go back a little.  About a month ago several things happened at once that really threw me for a loop...the main one I discussed on the blog being the need for me to have a psychological exam in order to get my homestudy approved.  By Saturday I felt so oppressed with circumstances that I told God that while I believe I am on this earth to be pruned, He must not love me at all as I wasn't being pruned so much as thrown through the meat grinder.  I also asked Him to give me something to sooth my aching heart and I almost immediately got an e-mail from on on-line friend that was clearly an answer to that prayer...but I was still aching.

Anyway, I spent the next few weeks praying and reading my Bible and crying and trying to find a psychologist to give me the required test.  Even though it was taking a while to get an appointment part of me knew I was still feeling pretty tenderized and was thankful for the delay.  When it was time to take the test I was feeling prepared.  Not my strongest, but not raw either.  

Then I spent four hours with the psychologist.  

And I told him I did not feel worthless, that I don't struggle with my self-esteem, that I am not fragile or weak.  I even told him that the test results didn't represent me at all unless I was completely delusional (which got self-deprecating put into the report...better than delusional, I guess.)  

And I left feeling that if I wasn't delusional than I was lying because I was doubting everything about myself, felt worthless, and fragile...I don't remember ever feeling so fragile--like the next problem could break me--not even the weekend 8 years ago when the car broke for good, Oak's grandfather died, and I miscarried all within 48 hours.  (At that time God sustained me in a way that is a story in it's own and that could have only come from my Heavenly Father.)

Anyway, I turned to prayer and reading my Bible...I knew healing could only come from Jesus...and whining to everyone I saw about my psychological test, even random strangers.  About a week and a half ago a few different friends said some things that hit the heart of the matter and reminded me of what I have said before--my identity comes from Christ.  And the healing started.

Who am I am has not changed...flaws and all.  Circumstances that bother me are not changed...no approved homestudy yet and no school for Huckleberry, etc.  But I started clinging to the truth again and the lies that were agitating me started to fade away.  The shredding in my heart started to heal and it became less and less tender until about a week ago, I discovered I didn't feel fragile anymore.  I felt I could topple back in easily but I once again felt like I could say with confidence I do not have low self-esteem and I am not weak.

So that is the back story...and you can see why I thought this would take time!  It is now 5:00 Thursday, I have 1 1/2 of my other want to do things done and several more have tos done plus a few more phone calls...including the one that says Huckleberry goes back to school tomorrow, yeah!

Anyway, this week I was feeling stronger again.  I knew it was a gift from God and that I was once again resting in the assurance of His love and forgiveness.  Taking pictures, peaceful family time, lunch with ladies planning the spring women's retreat, and the first week back at MOPS also played a part, but all of those were gifts from God.  Then Wednesday was the start of my fall Bible study class and this semester we are studying Jeremiah.  I was looking forward to class because I love the teacher, the people in the class, and hearing God's voice in the scriptures...though I was a little nervous about Jeremiah.  It is not an easy read.

But God blew my socks off.  We only looked at chapter 1, but so much of it spoke directly to me about this last month.  It was one of those times again where the word of God poured onto my heart like molasses and sealed up the cracks.

Chapter 1 of Jeremiah is an intimate conversation between God and Jeremiah, but it felt like God was talking to me.  

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.  And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5

Okay, I think it is a stretch to claim God has appointed me as a prophet to the nations, but He knew me, He consecrated me, He created me for a purpose.  (You too, but my blog is about me.)  One of the things a friend said that put me back on the right track was I had to be me (not excusing sin) and this verse says God knew who that me was going to be, even when I was just an itsy bitty tiny zygote.  Doesn't that idea just feel like a healing stroke on your soul?

But wait there's more!  The next thing isn't actually in Jeremiah but we looked at it in class.

"How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel fo the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.  He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season And it leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers."  Pslams 1:1-3

We talked about being deeply rooted in the word, so deep that when the storms come we are not uprooted.  But that is what I felt like, as if my tree had toppled in the storm and my roots were exposed, vulnerable to every type of attack and damage, but my tree did not die.  My roots were deep and still attached to the soil.  God stood my tree back up and reburied my roots, cutting away the damage, and soothing each hurt as He replanted me.  My relationship with Jesus, my deep roots, and my seeking solace in the Bible is part of what made that possible, but it is also something He did because He loves me. 

And He made a promise: I am planted by streams of water; I will yield fruit in my season; my leaves will not wither; and I will prosper in whatever I do.  Do you claim that promise for yourself?  With God as our gardener how can we not flourish? (And yes proper gardening does require pruning.)

I don't think I am conveying how soothing this was to my soul, how much I had started to doubt God's love for me, and how this word picture was necessary for me to bask in His love again.  I do not mean to imply that I spent the last month feeling unloved or rejected by God...that would not be accurate.  I said all the right things and clung to my beliefs.  I cried out to God knowing He is the one who heals the brokenhearted and binds their wounds.  But fragile, I felt oh so fragile.

And that brings us to the last hug from God on Wednesday.  The truth is, I am fragile.  I have been damaged by my own sin and the sin of others...ever since I was born.  I am not strong.  I cannot be strong on my own.  I cannot live more like Christ on my own.  I cannot deflect the arrows of life that seek to harm me...

But...

"Now behold, I have made you today as a fortified city and as a pillar of iron and as walls of bronze against the whole land, to the kings of Judah, to its princes, to its priests and to the people of the land.  They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you."

God is who makes me strong.  He has a plan for my life and will give me the strength I need to accomplish it.  I don't have enemies that are trying to fight against me...at least not people...but the circumstances that stress me, the negative thoughts that threaten to overwhelm me, and the temptations I cannot withstand--they will fight against me, but they will not overcome me, for God is with me and will deliver me.

How can I not be confident?
 

Not the Mama

I am working on a long post about a hug from God I got on Wednesday, but I don't have time to finish it right now.  Too many have to dos.   So I thought I'd share this short story about Sunflower.

She has a blanket that a good friend crocheted for her when she was born.  She loves this blanket and sometimes when she falls over she is more comforted by her blanket than her Mommy.

Anyway, Saturday night she woke up crying.  Oak went in but couldn't understand what was the matter.  Then I went in and she calmed down.  About 20 minutes later she started screaming, "Daddy!  Daddy!  Daddy!"  At this point we were so exhausted I scooped her up and put her in our bed where she went to sleep.

The next morning Oak took the boys to serve at first service, then Sunflower and I joined them for second service of church.  On the way there, I asked Sunflower what had upset her so much.

"There was a big bear and it took my blanket."

"Oh, that is sad."

"Don't worry.  My blankie is on the stairs; I remember!"

"Right, it was a dream and that is why you called for Daddy."

"Yeah.  I didn't call for YOU!"  I wish there was a way in writing to convey the tone of sheer disgust and outrage.

 

One More Kayak -- Sunday Snapshot

On Labor Day, we took the kids to the lake so Oak could take them kayaking.  I stayed ashore taking pictures and reading my book--Understanding Exposure by Bryan Peterson.  Sounds a lot more relaxing than it was since they were only out on the water 1 hour of the 4 we were at the park~11-3 which my book calls poolside lighting because one might as well sit by the pool instead of try to get great photos in the harsh light.  But I took photos anyway (too much of our life happens between 11-3 not to) and now you get to see them...some of them.

 We have inflatable kayaks--great for storage, tedious for set-up.

 I'm ready, Daddy!

 On the way out.

 Cannot miss his bright life jacket!

 Finally all set!

 On the way back!  (I read while they were out of sight.)

 Ambrosia, aaah!

 Can we go swimming?

 Not yet.

 I don't know what these are.

 My flip-flop is dirty!  So I'll take it off and walk around barefoot!

 Now you can go swimming.

 Time to pack up.

 I almost scolded someone else's child for going too far--oh, IKEA birthday vest, not my son!

Where is Daddy with the car?  I'm tired!  Maybe next year we'll have a third kayak and I'll go out on the water...or maybe not.  Then I would have to paddle myself!  Oak's kayak will fit two adults.  Maybe we can leave the kids with someone and go out together someday.  I would enjoy that though I would have trouble leaving my camera behind (and safe!)


 

Not the Post I Thought I was Writing

How do people do the whole joy in all circumstances thing?  I just don't know!  Actually, that isn't quite true.  I do not feel joyless.  I actually feel fine.  And my circumstances are not bad.  But the way I have handled things that upset me (besides praying and reading the Bible which I do do, I promise) for the last 39 years is to make snarky jokes about it.  Apparently to some, if not all, that is a form of negativity.

And really, I cannot disagree.  It just has me twisted up in a ball trying to figure out how to cope.  Now I don't expect to be ever described as a chipper, always positive person; but neither do I want to be classed as a negative person!  Who would?

Now the desire to make jokes does not mean I would laugh at anyone's pain or break someone's confidentiality to crack a joke.  Deep personal stuff, especially someone else's, is off limits.  (Not to say I've never crossed that line, but if you do see that please do smack me back in place.)

No, the problem is the little irritating things that become a lot less irritating if I can just laugh about it.  

Like the fact that when we went to Old Navy to buy khaki pants for Huckleberry while they were on sale for $10 they didn't have any in his size, but now that the pants are $14.50 there are plenty.  I didn't even think to get a raincheck when the sales girl informed me we just can't keep them on the shelves--that would be because everyone else sells them for $20.

But really, it doesn't matter.  He doesn't need a school uniform.  There has been no school all week and who knows when they will go back!  The teachers went on strike Tuesday and no agreement has yet been made.  A court judge ruled the strike illegal, but the superintendent has closed schools due to lack of staffing.  I don't really understand how it all works, and since the district is requesting a pay cut, I totally understand why the teachers are not happy.  But I do wish Huckleberry was in school.

Well, not really.  It is handy to have him home to do chores and play with Sunflower.  But if he stays out much longer I'll have to start homeschooling him.  Reading would be easy; we've gone to library twice this week, but science and social studies?

Honestly, the thing that bothers me the most about it is I was waiting to do my blog obligatory first day of school post until I knew how Middle School was going, and I still don't know!  He did not get the electives he requested.  In fact, based on the fact that if you ranked the elective choices from 1-20 with 1 being most wanted and he got number 18, 19, and 20, I think it is possible they lost his request.  

Now Huckleberry every day the first week said: They told me what to do to change classes.  I put in the request for class changes.  I talked to the band teacher who said he would make sure I got in his class.  I'll find out tomorrow.  We resisted the almost overwhelming urge to call the school and Make It Happen!  Tuesday Huckleberry was going to go talk to the counselors one last time, and if he didn't have answers, he agreed we could go in ourselves.  

But in order to avoid talking to us, the teachers went on strike.  Don't worry, we won't insist they change his classes if they are full, but the band teacher already said he could take him and he has to get out of boys choir--his ability to carry a tune is severely lacking.  We are also hoping he can get into Spanish instead of General Studies (which is apparently a class to read), but he is going to remain in Music Technology.  He is surprised, but he think it might be fun.

So far in his core classes he has played a lot of name games and written papers (including math), but it had only been 5 days, so I have no way to evaluate how it is going.  That's okay.  Oak promised Huckleberry that if he didn't start having homework soon we would find an on-line math curriculum and put him through it.  

Okay, so I wasn't really funny, but I do feel better having vented it.  On to the next topic bugging me.  Just kidding; I'll save that for another post.  But really, I am honestly confused and struggling with this concept.  Talking about Huckleberry's school did not accomplish anything.  Our circumstances have not changed and our plan of action isn't any different, but it was helpful to write it all out, get it out of swirling around in my head and onto my blog.  I don't feel the need to tell the next random people I talk to about Huckleberry's electives and the school strike (though I will commiserate with other district moms, especially if they choose to make up lost days on Saturdays.)

Is this negativity or just being authentic about what is happening in my life?  I really don't know the answer.  Certainly it sounds less negative if I finish up with a paragraph about how it isn't the end of the world if Huckleberry reads for a semester and starts Spanish next semester.  Huckleberry is certainly learning a lot of life navigation skills at school, a very good thing.  Ultimately God is in control, and I trust Him.  But sometimes that feels so obvious I don't see it as necessary to say.  But really maybe that is what makes all the difference.

Motivation

I have figured out what will get me to fold and put away laundry, vacuum, and clean bathrooms~even on a day when I just want to snuggle on the couch with Sunflower watching Blue's Clues.

Get an e-mail from your social worker that she needs to stop by in 4 hours in order to fulfill one last requirement on your homestudy.

Another day/time would do, but it would only mean more delays.  So today it is.

We are making progress.  The China Team at the head office still needs to approve our final homestudy, including my psychological testing, but progress is being made.  She didn't read my results and throw us out of the program, so now it is just in the details.  Details we can handle.

But in the meantime, back to cleaning.  It is now only 3 hours until she gets here.  I'm thinking Oak now has the perfect way to guarantee he comes home to a clean house~e-mail a fabricated appointment with our social worker.  (Any company would probably work and would be a lot more fun!)
 

My Report of My Report

Well, in the interest of being positive, it is done.  The psychologist was very nice.  We made it home safely after getting turned around 2 or 3 times.  God is in control.

The creator of all things living and beautiful is in control.

He loves me.  (We were finally able to stop talking about my potential lack of self esteem when I said, "look, I get my worth from God, and He died for me.  I do not feel worthless!  If anything I struggle with pride, perfection, and arrogance."--in fairness to the psychologist it was the computer generated algorithm that decided I was lacking in esteem.)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Because I am afraid my husband or children will die, I apparently have abandonment issues. Since that is very common in adopted children, I now have a leg up on understanding my future child. But I do trust God.  I KNOW He will never abandon me.

Life may be hard and even ugly at times, but I always have a friend in Jesus.  He makes all things beautiful in His time.  All things.

Even my broken and ugly soul (this might be why the computer thinks I have self esteem issues) who is afraid of making friends for fear of rejection and keeps her innermost thoughts and feelings secret (Are we SURE I took this test?) God makes beautiful.  He did leave in "hard for me to make friends", "leery (and suspicious) of new people and situations", and "socially awkward."  I accept that about myself.

It was an exhausting and emotionally challenging time.  The end report ended up sounding better than I thought it could given the things we discussed.  And at times I felt like asking to take the test again as it was clearly inaccurate on a lot of issues.  (Unless I am passive, submissive, and malleable to other's desires and opinions, unwilling to take on leadership roles?)  Not that we didn't end up discussing real issues because IF we are going to write a 6 page letter listing my faults, let us list my actual faults.  Oops, that is my resentment of this whole psychological testing coming out.  God can help me let that go, and He will.  Because He helps those who call out to Him.

"I will cry unto God Most High, Unto God that performeth all things for me." Psalm 57:2.  That is a promise.

Next step send the report and letter to our agency to see if it is sufficient or if they need more.  It may entail another trip to his office for any revisions, but maybe not.  In the meantime, I just need to continue living the life that I have--one in which I am really very happy if a bit anxious about wanting a fourth child--and enjoying the family and friends whom I do have and love.  But I should probably start with a good night's sleep.

Wednesday

I am really trying to be a more positive person, but I do find it a little difficult to be positive when I am stressed.  Focusing on the negatives just makes it so easy to justify being stressed as opposed to turning to God and embracing the peace He offers me even in the midst of chaos.

So even though (it is true) I am a bit stressed about having a psych evaluation done, there are a lot of positives in which to rejoice.

First, I finally have an appointment, and while I didn't get the appointment until today, it is for tomorrow.  It is with a psychologist who regularly writes these type of reports for pilots or anyone else that needs psych evals of this type, so he is experienced, knows what he needs to do, and expects to be able to write the letter fairly quickly.  (His cost is also half the cost of the first two estimates we received--not because of lack of experience but because the others rarely do this so they weren't sure how long they would need to write it up.)

One of his children is also adopted, so he knows the stress of the adoption process and can take that into account with my answers.  He was very reassuring to Oak on the phone.

His office is a little less than an hour away.  That is kind of far, but some of the people we were able to talk to were 2 or 3 hours away.  Also, my husband's job is flexible so he is able to take the time off and come with me.  That is really terrific because then I am not driving in the city alone or driving home after being put through an emotional wringer (I do expect to have to talk about some very personal and emotional things.)

Once this is done we are one step closer to having our paperwork complete, never to need to be redone (for this adoption.)

Another huge plus is that even though we only made the appointment today, a good friend is able to pick up the boys from their respective schools at 2:00 and 2:40 tomorrow which is a huge blessing.  She has her own child to pick up at 3:30 so her afternoon became a day of taxi driving.   Her willingness is very much appreciated.  

In addition, I have many other friends who would/have helped us by watching our kids during this process.  Sometimes it is easy to believe the lies of Satan (not a phrase I use frequently or lightly) that one is alone, friendless.  It is good to be reminded that in addition to God--a powerful, forgiving, compassionate God--He has given us friends and family to help us navigate this life.


Philippians 4:4-9~

 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Harder to do than to say, but it really is the more excellent way.

(Prayers~that the day and the test will go smoothly, that truth and honesty prevail, no matter how difficult, that hopefully that doesn't mean he feels he cannot recommend me, and that I will feel God's peace and comfort~will not be rejected.)

I Remember

I remember a few of the funny things Sunflower did that has made us laugh in the last month.  

First, when we went hiking at Mt. Rainier recently, she kept picking up little handfuls of gravel from the path and saying it was for making her baby a bed.  We made her put it back, but shortly later she would have another little handful for "her baby's bed." Sometimes she wanted us to carry the rocks for her.   Finally we asked, "why do you want to make your baby a bed from rocks?"

"Daddy said it was bedrock!"  (She was very serious about this.)

Secondly, I'm not sure how this came about, but the boys convinced her that they feel better if she does a silly monkey dance, so now if anyone in the house is upset, Sunflower starts scratching her armpits, jumping up and down, and saying "eeeh, eeeh, oooh, oooh."

Silly Sunflower!  It sure does work!  You can always make us smile.