Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Standing on the Promises of God

We survived our homestudy visits, and survived is exactly how I feel about it.  Because while I joked about it Saturday, the reality is that you will not be denied permission to adopt based on a few spots on your floor, now if your dust bunnies eat children maybe, but really what they are trying to evaluate is who you are and whether you can "handle" another child.  And that means you answer question after question about the most intimate details of your life and heart.  As much as I like to talk about myself, it is exhausting.  You are always feeling like something will come up that means they'll say no (and I'll admit my family history does not look good on paper.)

I really didn't mind while I was talking, but I arrived home Monday night a bundle of anxiety that she would deny us or less problematic but more annoying, insist that we have a professional psych evaluation--which would cost us in money and time.  But one of the questions she asked was how you handle stress--and while trying to imply without lying that I never actually feel stress I answered: I drink a coke, I eat, I remove myself from the situation, I pray, read my Bible, call Oak or a friend.

So Monday night I was stressed.  I'd removed myself from her questions, I'd talked to Oak and a friend, I had eaten dinner including the high calorie coke, but I was still just so stressed and tense.  Oops, I had forgotten the most productive steps--praying and reading my Bible.  I was stressing about our adoption being approved because I was assuming it was in the hands of our caseworker, agency, and the US government.  I'd forgotten whose hands it is in--God.

It wasn't until I was lying awake long past bedtime that I remembered who can bring me peace.  I turned to my Savior and sought His solace.  I meditated on His word.  I could feel His peace transform my bundle of anxiety to rest.
God's word offers us many words of promise and encouragement, but the two verses I kept repeating in my mind over and over as He enveloped me in His comfort were:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:4  Really mostly just the Trust in the Lord part and it was almost as if He was whispering it to me, "Trust in your Lord, for I am the Lord your God."  (which is not an exact verse anywhere.)


"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7 

So I went to sleep with thanksgiving on my lips and peace on my heart and Tuesday was a much different day.  The morning cleaning was work, but not frantic, and I even cracked a few jokes during the interview--like we leave the teaching of morals to our children to Awana and Sunday School--okay, bad jokes, but still I wanted to write this post because there will be many more times in my life (like today as we get ready to go camping) where I will need to remember :

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.  Trust in the LORD forever, For in GOD the LORD,we have an everlasting Rock." Isaiah 26:3-4 



thecroslands said...

I am so glad that your homestudy is done. I LOVED our social worker, but I thought it was the most invasive process, and just like you, our family history isn't the greatest. I didn't even realize how stressed I was about the homestudy until the very last meeting...and the stress release I felt that it was all done was overwhelming. All that to sounds like you truly handled it beautifully, going to the only One who gives true peace. :o) Oh and, since you'll be gone tomorrow...HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!!

Merrill said...

Oh the homestudy. Isn't that fun?!? Ha! So glad you "survived" it and you have it behind you. I remember reading my homestudy report and thinking..."Is that really me???" It just sounded too good, if you know what I mean.

As a funny about the homestudy...I had cleaned and had everything nice and "just so." We had had an ice storm about 10 days prior and the city was still picking up the pieces. My social worker came, stayed for what seemed like hours and hours when it was maybe less than 2 hours in reality. Not an hour later, after she was gone, I was sitting in my living room and a little mouse went scampering across the floor!!! As horrified as I was, I was so glad it had not happened sooner! That was 9 years ago. Haven't had one since, thank goodness!

Hope you have been able to relax and enjoy your time away! Happy birthday, too!