School Matters Update

For the 8 readers who have been waiting on tender hooks to find out if I ever followed through after receiving this letter from SnapDragon's school, I am happy to report that I did (skip to the last two paragraphs if you are easily bored).

First I talked to a friend who teaches at one of the two high school in our districts.  He said he understood why the wording was upsetting, but that since the letter had gone out they'd gone down to only 28 tardies a day--20 of them in first period--from over 100; this is really good.  We had a good conversation about the pressure on the district, the effect poverty has on student performance, and the challenges public schools face.  But he did think it would be reasonable for me to talk to the principal at SnapDragon's school.  

Then I talked to a friend who is a para-educator at SnapDragon's school.   Her children also attend SnapDragon's school.  She said she knew of other parents who were upset, but that she also knew of parents who were calling their child in sick because they didn't want the hassle of taking them to school (there are bus options for all in district).  She agreed I should talk to the principal if for no other reason to give him ammunition to present to the district office.

It turns out SnapDragon's principal did not write the letter.  He just sent it and signed it in obedience to a district wide policy decision.

So, I felt a little less disturbed about SnapDragon's school specifically; we already acknowledge it isn't the best district in the area, but it is 2nd best out of the 5 we can reach by driving.  Then there was mid-winter break and a new camera and stuff, so finally...

Last week I got a chance to meet with SnapDragon's principal.  We talked about how we purposely waiver our home district to attend SnapDragon's school (our home school district would be #4 on the list) and how SnapDragon's school specifically is such a great school with really caring teachers and wonderful diversity, but that some recent changes were making us (as in my husband and I) concerned.  SnapDragon has the same teachers for 1st grade as Huckleberry had 4 years ago, so I know we are blessed to be able to work with them again, but I didn't feel that SnapDragon was getting the full benefit of an excellent education that I felt Huckleberry had received.

He asked for specifics, and I gave them to him.  I asked a little more about the RTI (response to intervention) program.  Then I mentioned the concerns I had about SnapDragon being held back in math since they were no longer "walking to math" or even breaking into groups at all since average and below average students benefit from learning from their above average peers (I don't think I'm just proud Mama to say I think SnapDragon is above average.)  Then I mentioned the letter.

He explained the goals of RTI and how it allows children in the enrichment area to go deeper while others learn their core principles. They reevaluate children for each unit so no one is pigeon-holed.  He did admit that SnapDragon is always receiving enrichment, but he made the point that this is better than sitting around while teaching these core concepts to children who need it.

He also said that the teachers have been asking to go back to the "Walk to Math" method since he started in the fall.  His concern was the time wasted moving around and children being pigeon-holed (he used this term quite a few times.)  However, they had just presented him with a proposal that included evaluating children before and after each unit which would allow them to move up and down more freely.  They are going to start this in 2 weeks (after Spring Break).

He also said many parents had expressed anger about the letter and that the principals of the district had already gone to the administration stating the tone was not the tone they wanted to be sending to their parents.  They asked for the letter to be rewritten with more warmth focusing on offering help and mentioning that at 6 unexcused absences they are obligated to notify parents about the Truancy Law.  This letter has apparently been already sent, but as was supposed to be true of the first letter, it is only going to families with children who have 6 unexcused absences, so I won't see it.

So to sum up my long and boring story, I mentioned my concerns to SnapDragon's principal and found they had already made the changes I would want.  I also had a similar conversation with his teacher because I didn't want her to feel like I was complaining about her teaching or care for my child in any way.  How is that for service?

On the other hand, this whole situation really made me think about the lady in Ohio who got sent to prison (short sentence) for sending her children to the wrong school, the freedom of choices that my economic privileges offer me, and Beverly Tatum's essay "Connecting the Dots."  So be warned.  There will be more on that later.

He's Getting Married

While cleaning up the kitchen table this morning, I found a project SnapDragon worked on today.  It said:

Come to My Wedding

(sh...he knows)*

followed by a time and place

I am not looking forward to the teen years with this boy.  He is only seven now but...

We did successfully pass on our geekiness and late blooming down to our older boy, but SnapDragon has me shaking in my brown leather, medium heel, clearance boots. 

And Sunflower?  Do not even go there.

*Apparently this is supposed to be she/he knows--everyone who he or she knows is invited to come, not people he or she doesn't know. Whew, no secret love affair.

Will it Happen?

I am back to wondering if our family will ever grow through adoption--not in the usual emotional, weepy way, more in a academic, resigned way.   God has made it clear through prayer and peaceful confirmation that we are to stay with our agency--even when it would have been easy to switch agencies.  That basically means not switching to the Waiting Children program.  Then what are the odds of things staying the same for the one or two more years needed to finally receive a NSN referral from China.  Is God asking me to give up my desire for a fourth child?  (My husband still feels we will eventually adopt so this really is all just speculation right now.)

The thing is, I was really excited 3-4 weeks ago.  Our agency said they were rolling out changes to the WC program.  I thought these changes might be along the lines of looking at the list when it comes out, working directly with an orphanage, adding some children to their agency specific list, starting to encourage families in NSN to switch instead of actively discouraging...something that would help us find a child whom we could parent that needed us.

I got the e-mail about the new changes a few weeks ago.  Now I'll admit I didn't read them closely so I could be mistaken in what I read--I have not been able to get myself to look at them again.  My cursory view all implied that switching to their WC program will be even more difficult and even less possible for us.  First, there appears to be extra fees.  Secondly, for every need we feel open to we need to a. have a care plan including doctors lined up (to whom we have spoken), b. spend 1-2 documented hours with a child or family dealing with this need, c. write a letter explaining why we feel qualified to handle the need, and d. have a letter of recommendation (this might come from our SW) stating we are suited to caring for a child with this need.  Maybe there was some either/or in there, and I know other countries have fairly strict and similar requirements.  

I also know there is no way we can accomplish this.  We can barely turn in our paperwork for our Homestudy renewal.  I can avidly research things I feel passionate about, but feeling passionate about a special need when there isn't a child attached to it is not happening.  Perhaps this makes me a horrible person.  I am sorry. Let me be clear, we could probably pull this together for one or two needs, and we might do so.  But I don't see the point in whole-heartedly switching to WC and paying the additional fees unless we are open to more than one need, which we are emotionally but apparently not academically.  If I'm going to wait a year or two for a match because our focus is so narrow, I might as well hold out in the line I'm in.

But those are the practical reasons that cause me to wonder if this will ever happen.   Then I read posts about letting go of the desires of your heart--to turn it over to God.  And I wonder...

Is this something God is asking me to sacrifice...give up?  It would hurt my heart to never adopt.  The desire for a fourth child, through adoption, is as strong as it was 5 years ago.  Have I put that desire before my desire to know and serve my God?  I certainly don't want that.

It would hurt my pride--though we aren't proud to be adopting--but I would have tell everyone we gave up.  No one would judge (or few) but it would sting my person.  Probably because I struggle to admit I am not perfect and I am sinfully prideful of the fact that I keep commitments.  Can I confess and repent of this sin and not give up on adopting or...?  All He wants is a humble and contrite heart. 

Is giving up or going on the sacrifice God wants from me?  I wish I knew.
 

Sunflower--Sunday Snapshot/Monday Rewind

Since Thursday last my Sunflower was not feeling well--fever, cough, and stuffy head.  So even on days we had sun we stayed home and inside.  The most common pose for Sunflower the last week and a half was this:

We watched a lot of Diego via netflix streaming and I got to read  a lot of blogs.

Then Tuesday we started to see the light:

A few minutes of happy play time here and there and no fever.

Then Wednesday still no fever, but a very tired baby when I tried to go to Bible Study.  So we stayed home and watched more T.V. but sometimes a little more interactively:

They're dancing, Mommy, dance with us!

Thursday we finally had some sun and some energy:

Throwing the ball is fun.  Even when it lands on our head:

 Was I sick for a week?  Who, not me?  I can do anything!

Even push my brother on the ladder which he likes!

By Friday I am my usual, active, busy self!  Faster, faster: 

 We are glad to have you back, Sunflower, even if it means we feel lucky to catch the side of you as you run from place to place:

I am also linking with Chic Homeschool Mama for Monday Rewind Blog Hop since the last photo is one of my absolute favorites from last week.  I couldn't get the button to work, but hop on over to see some more photos.

I am not a Geek!

My husband is very patient especially with my dad with whom I confess I have trouble being patient.  Oh, I get along with my dad just fine, but Oak actually sounds sincerely interested and seems to have no trouble helping him with head lights, bills, and other projects.  Oak is also very helpful around the house and spends a lot of time taking care of the kids and giving me breaks and "me time." 

For these reasons, it really doesn't feel like it is too much to let him indulge in some StarCraft (computer game for those non-nerds married to male non-nerds) time.   Sometimes the boys even play StarCraft with their dad which sometimes actually gives me the "me time."

Sure, it is annoying when both boys play and Captain Awesome and Oak and my bedroom starts to look like a war zone and there isn't a computer left in the house for me to use (not for StarCraft, but my blog, of course.)

Or when I come home from Bible Study and Oak and Captain Awesome are using both my desk top for play and my husband's laptop to install StarCraft II (Captain Awesome comes with his own laptop).

Does it matter that they are trying to install StarCraft II on his laptop so in the future I can use the desk top while they play (currently StarCraft II only plays on the desktop).  Yes, they say it is for my benefit since I cannot work on my photos if I don't have the desk top.  Sure that sounds kind and loving, but is it?  Is it?

You know, I think it is.  I have lots of hobbies my husband supports and encourages even when he doesn't understand why I like it so much.  It really isn't too much to reciprocate the favor.  

It isn't like he took the boys out after midnight to wait in line to buy StarCraft II the day it came out.   Captain Awesome bought it as a gift so it didn't even have to come out of one of my budget categories which you know matters to me!

So thanks, Captain Awesome, and we are glad you are around to indulge my husband's hobby (and to support my hobby by reading my blog(s)).

Though I imagine I will come home tonight from water aerobics to no computer available for use...sigh.

What do I know about "Attachment"?

I have been thinking about "attachment" a lot lately.  Partly because it is a word used a lot in the adoption community, partly because there was a blog carnival on the topic so I recently read a lot of posts on it, but mostly because it is such a scary word in the adoption community especially if sandwiched between Reactive and Disorder.  

I am not worried about adopting a child who ends up being labeled with RAD--it might happen and if it does we will deal--I am more concerned about all the more common issues that will happen because no child, no matter how young, can go from one lifestyle, culture, language, and people to another set completely different without having attachment issues which cover a whole range of stuff and a whole gamut of seriousness.  I have NO control over with which of these issues our child will struggle and I cannot even know how these issues will manifest themselves so they can be identified quickly because each child is unique.   What I can control is how prepared I am and how I react to my child to provide her with the best chance of "attaching."

And I feel completely inadequate.

When I read the stories of adults who survived the foster care system I wonder if I would have offered her the unconditional love she clearly craved and needed or would I have been focused on her outward behavior and how it impacted me.

When I read the stories of families who did everything the books said, tried every therapy, and persevered until the new norm gives them hope for their child's future, I am in awe of their love and persistence, and I wonder how long my endurance will last.  Will I keep loving even when rejected?  Will I keep going to therapy after therapy when it is impacting my other children; is it my right to make them make these sacrifices?  I believe it is my right, but how will I feel when it reaches one, two, or three or more years?  How do I balance all of my children's needs?  Will I start resenting the child?

When I read of a family who dissolved their adoption after those one, two, or three years, a part of me judges because Adoption is For LIFE, but a part of me wonders what would bring me to the same place.  How can I claim to be any better when I don't know the whole story and I have never adopted?  How much of it is the child and RAD and how much it is the parents inadequacies--inadequacies that I probably share?

But then I stop looking at it from the parents' perspective and worrying about how I compare.  I start looking at the child.  The child who is lying and biting and crying and throwing tantrums and rejecting every overture and so on and so on, and I start to cry.  I am filled with compassion and sorrow and love for the child, a child I have never met.  I know these feelings are stronger than what can I feel on my own--this is compassion, sorrow and love that comes from God.

And I still worry and feel inadequate, but I feel hope.  I am inadequate.  It will not be an easy road.  But as everything in life, it is not dependent on me.  Already I see ways God is preparing me (one of which I will share in another post) and I remember that this is only one more way that "Apart from Him, I can do nothing."

Flowers--Sunday Snapshot

We had a great weekend away even if we did leave a feverish Sunflower with her aunt and only had one night.  I didn't really take pictures of the event, but I did bring my camera to take pictures of flowers for next week's Shoot and Edit challenge.  I only get to use one photo, but I captured more than one image I love.

God Created Such a Beautiful Array of Flowers...

 Red

 Orange

Orange-Yellow

Yellow (and Green)

He Created Blue, but I didn't see any this weekend

Indigo

Violet

Which would you chose?

"See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you..."  Matthew 6:28b-30a