Sunday, June 5, 2011

Help Equals Love

I have been thinking about attachment again since so many of the people from my favorite adoption forum are in China meeting their children or are recently home.  Building attachment between a newly adopted child and two parents takes a lot of patience, love, and self-sacrifice (on the part of the parents).  I don't know how well I will do.  There is no way to be completely prepared, but I like to practice with Sunflower anyway.  After all she needs to feel loved and secure, also.

Last week she seemed to be a little more needy, needing a little more lap time, a little more grace, and a little more help.  One morning she insisted she needed help getting dressed although she has been dressing herself for almost a year.  I decided to help her.

As I helped her, I rubbed her arms and stroked her hair and said, "Sunflower, you don't need help getting dressed.  You know how to do it.  You are a big girl now.  But today I'll help you because I love you."

It seemed like a good plan at the time.  Give her a little extra reassurance with a gentle reminder that it is a special occurrence.

Later that day she made a puddle on the ground standing 6 inches from her little toilet (it was outside with her).  Oak took her upstairs, cleaned her up, and told her to get dressed.  A few minutes later she came downstairs still unclothed with a pile of clothes in her arms.

"Mommy?  You help me?"

"No, sweetie.  You need to get dressed by yourself."

"No, Mommy.  You help me.  You'll help me because you love me."

 Sigh...I helped her.


Kara said...

Prayers for you...I know this can be a hard road to walk...2 of my nephews have struggled with attachment (I have 4 adopted nephews and our family has adopted twice as well)...but just want to encourage you...I was honestly a little scared when I first saw the interaction with our youngest nephew...but God has been so gracious to bring such healing and bonding. It is beautiful now. Truly a beautiful bond. Your heart for adoption is precious to me :)

Kara said...

...and to God.

Frankie said...

Beautiful Post ! and she is adorable !