Thursday, August 26, 2010

Faith and Adoption

I thought today I would start telling our adoption story from the beginning after all it will take several days to write it all.  However, instead I spent the day reading comments on RQ that made me decide I wanted to talk about something else at this time.  Specifically, after spending the day reading posts and last evening reading "Questions Adoptees are Asking", I started to feel like maybe we shouldn't adopt especially Internationally.  The book says adoptees are victims from birth whose hurts are ignored and shoved aside.  While the purpose of the book is to provide healing to hurting adoptees and will be an excellent tool for my child, it left me feeling somewhat helpless.  It doesn't give me, the adoptive mother, any clues on how to mitigate the pain my child will feel.  It makes me feel guilty for wanting to adopt.  (I know this is not the intent of the book, and the author has a book written to adoptive parents that I plan on reading and would have read first if our library carried it.)   So I went to bed already feeling a little off and spent today reading posts on RQ that:
  1. question our desire to stay in the NSN (non special needs) line
  2. make adopting older, waiting children seem equally wrong as it may take them from loving, foster families
  3. imply we are stealing a wanted child from some childless Chinese couple by accepting China's referral of a baby
  4. state point blank that by making choices such as girl vs. boy and NSN vs SN because of what we think will fit into our family we are finding a child for our family not finding a family for the child, which is of course selfish beyond all measure
So, while I read these books and forums in order to be informed and become the best mom to an adopted child, I struggled today to figure out why I won't let them "teach" me to not adopt.  It all comes down to the question asked on the other forum I follow:  One young lady asked: What role did faith play in your decision to adopt and your adoption journey?

The answer is everything.  Nothing.  Everything.

Later I'll tell our adoption story and why we made the choices we made, but as I become more informed about the complications of adoption and the politics of it all, every day it boils back down to Faith.

First I have to have faith that our family can help our new child overcome the pain she will feel due to "adoption issues."  That will be through many different forms--our unconditional love, books, fellow adoptees, counseling if necessary, and Faith.  I know that our not adopting will not prevent that pain from occurring, but I pray that finding a forever family will help our child heal.

Second I have to have faith that the adoption process works.  I know that trusting in governments is somewhat foolish, but there are laws in place and people in both countries doing their best to ensure these laws are followed for the best of the child.  Without faith in the process, I think it might be immoral to adopt.

The only way I can have faith in those first two is with faith in God.  My faith is not in books or governments;  it is in a God Almighty and Loving.  My God led us to adoption, so He is in charge of healing my precious daughter.  No one is more powerful at healing than my God.  Also, while humans make mistakes and corruption exists, I must hold onto my faith that God is more powerful than any government.  After all, He says in the Bible that "for by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him,"  Colossians 1:16.  How can I not follow God's journey to our newest child and trust that He has it all in hand?  It is really my only option, and one I rejoice in.

1 comment:

No Greater Love said...

I love the line "no one is more powerful at healing than my God."

I have decided to stop skipping around just read the whole blog in order. I have already read this post at least once before, but how can I not comment on your very first one.

Oh wait....I bet this isn't the first...I bet it's the last in August. Hmmm... Darn.

Okay...I'm still leaving the comment.