Joyful Mama Gives In!

We Interupt Our Wait Whining

2012-02-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

I know it is impolite to brag about our kids, but luckily that is what blogs are all about. My Huckleberry is 11 almost 12 (really? 12!) and I am so proud of him.

Mom, really?

Last summer I worried and worried about where to send him to Middle School...after all my baby was not ready for the scary mean world of Middle School...and it was all for nothing (which is true for all worry as it cannot add a day to my life.) He is thriving in Middle School. Seriously thriving.

He is continuing in Spanish and learning to play the saxophone. He has made a lot of friends and is liked by all his teachers. He loves learning...and playing video games.

A program at the Science Museum a few weeks ago

He continue to participate in the after school Robotics program. Currently they are building and programming a lego mindstorm robot for the underwater robotics competition in May. This impresses me enough as it is (though I, too, wrote my first computer program in 6th grade...on a TI in BASIC; oh my, how old am I?)

However, since robotics now only meets twice a week, he has joined another after school program. The other two days a week he can choose different activities...they also provide snacks. (No after school program on Fridays.) There are lots of great choices and he's been in a few different ones--writing your own screen play and cooking with math to name a few.

In January they said any student (with teacher supervision) could run their own program. They would need to fill out an application, write a lesson plan, and find a teacher interested in supervising. My baby boy did all that and a few weeks ago started leading his own little club on Thursday afternoons.

Destroy It!

It is a club where the students take apart old or broken electronics in order to see what is inside and how they work. It is fantastic! The school has funding so they go to goodwill and buy cheap/broken things, and I now don't have screwdrivers, magnets, wires, switches, springs, etc. floating all over my house...at least not as often.

He wants to also hook things up and explore with electricity, but for now they are just taking things apart. Maybe next year when he has more time to create some experiments.

Now he also usually does his chores without complaining, is sweet to his siblings, loves God, recently chose to be baptized, enjoys going to church, is funny, and is just an all around great kid.

I do really love this boy and...

back to our normal program...

I cannot wait to go to China with him.

One More Step

2012-02-23T23:17:00.003-08:00

Today we did get official notification that our paperwork was dropped off at the US consulate in China on Tuesday, February 21st and so our Article 5 will be issued and ready for pick-up on Tuesday, March 6th. I am hoping will make the next few weeks a little more peaceful as nothing can be done to change the timing and we are not expecting any news during this time.

In fact, while I hope the predictability of the next few weeks will help, I am also hoping I can find a way to relax and trust God overall. For 6 years I have been seeking Him and MOST of the time trusting Him in this whole process. You would think I wouldn't need to be reminded again in these last few months now that the beginning is finally in sight.

But I do. My friends say, God is in control. My adoption buddies say, There is a perfect plan and a reason. My photography club speaker...yes, really the speaker tonight at my photography club meeting...ended his talk on how to take pictures of wildlife with "sometimes you need to seek God's perspective. You can get so focused on getting what you want (ie the picture of the wild animal) that you ignore reason and do what YOU want when GOD is saying, 'Stay in the truck, Dick!'"

So I have been pretty focused on what I want--my baby home, to just know her size so I can buy her clothes, to have an accurate estimate for travel, to know I can travel during the trade fair if that is what timing is, to travel with others I have met on-line, to just be able to hold her and love her and start the process of bonding, etc. When the truth is April or May is NOT the end of the world.

But even more importantly, the truth is GOD is in control. He does love me and my family. He does see the big picture. He knows what will happen. He is not the creator of the chaos I feel. He is a God of peace. His goal is not my happiness, but my relationship with Him. I have not been submitting to Him or trusting Him these last few weeks. It isn't about when we will or will not travel. It has been about me thinking I was the one in control; that if I just did everything exactly right it would go my way.

Maybe God will work it all out and we will travel the first two weeks of April. Maybe mid-April. Maybe late April/early May. Actually, it would be good idea to turn this all over to Him again. I cannot make early April happen. I have no power and cannot perform miracles, but you know what?

God can! But even if He chooses not to perform this miracle...I WILL trust Him.

(This was one of the 4 out of 70 technical winners at my photography club tonight for Emotive Expressions! Excited!)

Even if some days it is a real struggle to wipe the glare off my heart and lean into Him.

I wish I didn't keep needing reminders.

Random Things that Make Me Happy

2012-02-23T00:34:00.001-08:00

I could keep complaining about the wait but it isn't very helpful and actually pretty boring to others. So how about some of the things that make me happy? Not that that will necessarily be more interesting, but it is more helpful to me.

Borrowing books from the library on the kindle is super cool! Find a book, hit check-out, and like magic it is just there! And no overdue fines...in three weeks it just disappears. Now I probably shouldn't have chosen The Help as my first book or Choosing to See as my second book, except really sometimes it feels great to have a good cry. Now I'm sticking to safe non-emotional mysteries. Fake murder and mayhem never make me cry.

Speaking of books, yesterday in the mail I got 4 pictures books I'd ordered from my son's school fundraiser. 3 books I'd ordered because Tonggu Momma recommended them and D is for Dancing Dragon...a China alphabet book (there is a whole series of alphabet books set in various countries). The rhyme part is not Dr. Seuss quality but it has lots of information on each page about China. Since B is for Beijing Sunflower has been "traveling" to Beijing all day. (If only!) I told her you couldn't get there by car but she informed me her car can fly.

My woman's Bible Study started back up today to study the second half of Jeremiah. I hope to keep up on the homework...but at minimum I'll learn a lot in class and study with my friends.

We ordered a carseat for the baby. I do not remember it being such a hard decision for any of the other kids. Still it is pink! Sunflower got SnapDragon's neutral gray seat so I've never had a girl-ee carseat. It makes me happy!

Yesterday was MOPS and the speaker spoke on the 5 love languages of children. I had SnapDragon take a quiz to find out his love language. I thought it would be words of encouragement, but the test says quality time. So now he keeps coming up to me to say, "don't you want to do something with me? You know it makes me feel loved!" I did take him and Sunflower to the park today. 50 degrees and sunny is definitely a park day in my state. I haven't looked at the pictures yet, but I had fun taking them--pictures and the kids--and they had fun running, running, and running. I do NOT know how Sunflower can move that fast!

So many more things for which to be thankful. One just how busy my next month will be...Dinner and Photoclub with friends tomorrow, dinner at my SIL Friday, Birthday Party Saturday, two great MOPS meetings planned in March, my Baby Shower planned by so many amazing friends, and our church's women's retreat just to name a few. Oh, and Huckleberry is turning 12! I AM blessed...if also a tiny bit stressed about travel approval.

Hurry Up and Wait

2012-02-16T15:22:00.000-08:00

Somedays I refresh my blog just to see if we've made any progress. I know it is ridiculous since IF we'd made progress I would know before my blog, but still I hit that refresh button knowing nothing would change.

That is how focused I can get on the waiting.

We did get our NVC PDF on Tuesday which in theory meant our agency sent our packet on to China Tuesday. But the lady who does packets was out of the office, then the person who prints checks, then they didn't have a photo...

So today they over-nighted our package to their courier in China. Since there is no drop-off on the US consulate on Mondays most likely our packet will be dropped off on Tuesday, Feb. 21st...only 5 days later than I was hoping when we got our NVC approved e-mail on Monday.

The Article 5 takes exactly two weeks from drop-off so most likely on March 6th we will start our TA wait. That is only 6 1/2 weeks from referral. Pretty good when you put it like that.

TA's come 1-4 weeks later. Here's praying for the shorter end of that stick :) Two weeks seems to be fairly average so is more probable.

If TA came March 20th, well, then I'm on the plane March 21st. We already have our VISAs. (Usually one travels 2-3 weeks after TA so if one was to force oneself to be realistic and stop getting her hopes up we'll be on a plane April 10th...let's keep ignoring the pesky Trade Fair issues that I choose not to explain because it might make them real.)

Oh, and Sweet Pea received her package today.

Hard to Do

2012-02-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day until 3:45. Up until that point I spent a lot of time cuddling Sunflower, scrubbing the kitchen including under the microwave (though not the top of the refrigerator which is on my list), and checking my e-mail to see if we'd gotten our NVC PDF.

Lots of fun letters in that alphabet, yes?

The e-mail did come that says we got NVC approval today...but no copy of the letter so we can move on to the next step. My husband will e-mail again tonight and we'll probably get it tomorrow, but still one more day lost.

And that is probably the reason my "day" took a turn for the worse. Okay, so maybe on the way to pick up SnapDragon I took a wrong turn on a route that I have driven for six years, but that just made us laugh...and a little late.

But I was thinking about how we wouldn't want to go out to lunch tomorrow if we hadn't gotten the e-mail yet and where would we go for lunch anyway and who would drive and would I pick Oak up at work or...

So all of the sudden I was not as close to the school as when I left home and had to turn around. Now our paperwork seems to be moving through the system about as fast as it can and we are on track to travel sometime in April (ignoring the trade fair) and as anxious as I am to go an pick her up, I just keep thinking about how unanxious she is for us to pick her up.

From all accounts she is being well cared for and loved in her SWI surrounded by several other babies. It is the life she knows and really, it is good. Things that concern adults like getting jobs or finding spouses are not concerning her 6 month old heart. She just knows she is warm, well fed, and loved. The change to her will not make sense and not feel good and she won't know initially that she is loved.

So I don't want to spend the next few months whining about how long it is taking to travel even if we run into some annoying glitches. Ummm, okay maybe I do want to whine, I just don't think it is helpful or good for me especially if I allow it to turn a good day sour.

So I am trying to focus on the things I can do (like clean house and cuddle Sunflower) and remember how I want to live my life...

So I'll confess my laziness and my bad attitude, care for my family and friends, continue my commitments at church and in life, and study my Bible and seek Christ.

Easier to say than to do...Thank God for the Holy Spirit.

T'was a Happy Wednesday

2012-02-09T09:47:00.000-08:00

I was glad yesterday when it was too rainy for pictures since Sunflower was dressed in blue pants with pink stars and a teal striped shirt. Later she changed into a flowered sundress...

I would try to defend that we are good parents, we just believe 3 year olds should have independence in clothing choices (on some days) except apparently we are more lenient in our parenting than I thought.

SnapDragon typed me a note yesterday:

"Mommy you are great because you let me do things not evryone can do.

how great are our moms leting us do things not evryone can do. thats why you are great Mommy."

I choose to take his meaning on encouraging him to do fun and safe adventures, but...

Well, at least one of our kids is still young enough for Mommy to choose the clothes...or in this case Ann at Red Thread in China.

Sweet Pea's package should arrive later this week in Yugan. I'm glad our agency said it would be okay to send a small package. She is too young for it to mean much to her right now, but it helps this waiting heart.

Especially since Ann sent us some updated pictures of Sweet Pea even though we did not request any. Such a sweet, big, bundled baby.

Another Step Down

2012-02-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

Care package ordered.

First matching outfit for the girls purchased.

New crib mattress and mattress pads bought.

I800 approval today.

We are getting closer.

The Phone

2012-02-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

Sunflower has a phone that she carries everywhere. (Ironic since Mom still doesn't carry a cell phone...yet.)

Today on the way to take Huckleberry to school she said, "Mommy, I'll share my phone with baby sister."

"I think we can probably get another phone."

"But I don't know where to buy baby phones."

She looked so sad but determined to make sure her sister also had a cool phone even if it meant sharing hers.

I think she'll be a great, fun, big sister who will lead her sister with caring and compassion and speed.

Not that the boys won't also be great siblings.

But there is no denying the excitement of this waiting big sister.

An Update!

2012-02-02T16:27:00.000-08:00

Our agency allowed us to submit 10 questions they would send on to their rep in China, and we got the answers today. Things like what do the Nannies call her, who is her favorite caregiver, and if she sleeps on her tummy or back.

I didn't really care what the questions were or what the answers would be. I just wanted more information about her so I could know her a little more. Perhaps we'll have a chance to ask questions when we are there, too, but not everyone has that chance. I wanted something from her current life for her to have in the future.

I feel so blessed to have these tidbits of information.

They also sent new measurements, but I'm thinking her weight is with her many layers of clothes on. That, as far as I can tell, is typical. If not she is one roly-poly baby with a tiny head and feet.

No matter. It just really confuses me when I'm at the store trying to buy some onesies. I really shouldn't have done such a good job of purging Sunflower's baby clothes 3 years ago. I don't know what I was thinking!

We also got our letter of I800 receipt. It is dated January 25th, not the 27th when we got the text, so we may be closer to approval than I'd hoped. That would be fantastic! The question is do I put the 25th or 27th in my timeline? I really should have paid attention to the rules about timelines sooner.

Great Day

2012-02-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

It really was a great day. Starting with the children being ready for school with no fuss. (They usually do pretty well, but sometimes I have to wake Sunflower and it gets tricky.)

Then on the way to school, as we passed a house, SnapDragon said,
"I wonder who lives in 1002 because they have the same birdhouse I made at school on their porch so they must be a 1st or 2nd grader at my school."

"That is a good use of deductive reasoning (or some such less pretentious phrase that I can't remember right now."

"I have good senses. Except my touch. Sometimes when I touch I can't always tell."

"Huh?"

"Mom, I used my eye sense and my smarts sense to know they must go to my school."

"Smarts isn't a sense."

"Well, I think it should be. I know we have 5 senses, but I don't remember what they all are."

Maybe you had to be there.

Then prayer time before Bible Study and then the last study in I Peter. I love studying God's word with the people of my church. Even if I Peter 3:8-11 is kind of convicting.

"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, “THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT. HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT."

I had to confess that I think my attitude at Christmas might have been a bit different if we'd studied I Peter in November. Just saying.

Then, even though it rained all morning, the sun came out and I played outside with Sunflower and then SnapDragon. Today was 2:00 p.m. dismissal AND I picked him up on time.

Then just a relaxing afternoon with no AWANA tonight so a great dinner cooked by my husband (who does do most of the cooking) and now a chance to sit at the computer and look at pictures.

No news on the adoption front, except we sent our VISA applications to the courier in DC that our agency recommends without Huckleberry's signature. Then after we got it back to her, she called last night to say the consulate is no longer processing applications outside their jurisdiction. So now it is on the way to a courier in Houston and hopefully the Houston consulate will process it. We have quite a while to get our VISAs and they usually don't take too long, so it is only a minor glitch. Actually kind of such a comedy of errors it makes me giggle. 3 business days down on our wait for I800 approval and no known glitch there.

Warning: Very Boring Post

2012-01-30T12:15:00.000-08:00

Not to say my posts are that enthralling, but I expect this one to be even more dull than usual. However, while I haven't been using this to document our daily lives step by step, now that we have a child living a life apart from us, the urge to record all I can is even stronger. Even the dull (to others) part.

So...Friday Oak and I went out to dinner (Mexican since a friend put the idea in my head) and shopping while the kids stayed with Aunt J.

Saturday, Huckleberry had AWANA Quizzing. I took him while the others stayed home. It was fun and our teams did fairly well though they had trouble with the buzzers. It was great to see all these children so grounded in knowledge of scripture.

Saturday afternoon we went to visit my dad (and for Oak to work on his bills.) I took the kids outside for pictures...almost all of which I deleted...while Oak and Dad talked bills, then we went shopping because my dad wanted to go buy a new shirt. We don't do all his shopping with him, but it was something to do. Then out to dinner at one of the best Teriyaki places anywhere that happens to be near my dad. It is closed on Sundays, so if we happen to visit on a Saturday we like to go there. The kids were having a cranky day, so we were glad to finally land at home.

Saturday night I got no sleep as I kept thinking about the steps to travel. I am still trying to comprehend them because while there are a few sites that list the steps in detail reading the detail at 5:00 a.m. doesn't help with comprehension. My husband does seem to grasp the steps. Mostly I was just trying to figure out if we get our I800 approval in nine days like my friend how much sooner can we travel. I'm hoping for April but the Trade Fair is the last two weeks in April, so if we don't travel before I don't know if our agency will push us into May. Questions, questions, questions.

Sunday I was oh, so tired, but it was a good, if emotional, day. Check-in counter at church, talking with a friend, attending second service (oops, I just realized we forgot to take SnapDragon out so he could attend service with us since he was in kids church first hour; it is one of the reasons we stayed for second service though we were so tired.) I am very glad we didn't skip service. It was the last service by our current pastor and one of the best. Grace! I was crying during the various versions of Amazing Grace and the spontaneous baptisms that occurred. So happy that God gives me grace. Still learning and growing in offering it to others.

Then the going away luncheon. Great food and fellowship, some with people I haven't seen in awhile since they have left the church/area but came to say good-bye to our pastor. Then two hours of memories, stories, and prayer...like a funeral for a living person. Okay, that's morbid, but it really was very touching and a wonderful tribute to all our pastor and his wife have done for our church. We will miss them but are excited to see what God will do next. Amazingly the kids did really, really well sitting through it all and I am very proud of them.

Then a quiet evening at home while I played with my kindle, the kids played, and my husband crossed checked everyone in the world's packing lists to create a comprehensive list for ourselves and filled out the last form we need to send to our agency so the packet can go off to the consulate as soon as we have a copy of our I800 approval and NVC letter. At least that is what he said. Now it is in the mail and we are back to waiting, waiting, waiting. Okay, it may sound like my husband is doing all the work, but someone has to figure out how to use the kindle before we leave for China. Plus I have been doing some house purging to get ready for another child, really, I have.

Oh, and to me the most exciting thing, we sent a list of questions to our agency that they said they would have their contact in China ask the orphanage. We plan to send a care package, too, but they want us to get updates through them. I am optimistic that we will get something as others have gotten updates from this orphanage.

One More Step

2012-01-28T00:43:00.000-08:00

After over 5000 visits from China Adopt Talk, I'm assuming/hoping traffic will start to slow down and I can go back to my normal programming, but if you are here to hear about our referral that post is here.

I finally added an adoption timeline to my sidebar. Mostly so I can hopefully grasp the steps a little better, but also for those who are counting along. It never seemed necessary before when L.I.D. 8/15/2006 was the only thing to put in it. In fact it would have been kind of a sad little chart that way.

But...

While we were out tonight my husband did get a text that our I-800 application has been received. Now we are waiting on I-800 approval which appears to take about 2 weeks give or take a few days.

Let us see how much we can get done in those two weeks...today we accomplished great things by purchasing a Kindle touch. Entertainment on the plane...check. We also looked at car seats, ergo carriers, camera bags, crib mattresses, and baby clothes...

It might have been a good idea to start shopping a bit earlier.

I-800 On Its Way!

2012-01-24T15:09:00.000-08:00

Referral post is here.

My husband is awesome! Apparently our agency was only teasing us when they said we would have to wait until next Monday for translated documents. Okay, they were probably just being cautious.

So I went to my McDonald's playdate with Sunflower and a bunch of great friends with no urgency about getting home. We came home at noon only to find my husband home from work with the documents printed out, filled in, and waiting for my signature and a letter from our agency. We signed and double checked everything and took pictures and received the final piece from our agency and now it is all at the FedEx office.

So the countdown starts 6 days earlier than I thought it could.

Yeah!

Oak had most of it filled out before we received the translated medical report. He has been working on paperwork, I-800, and Visa applications all weekend. I am really appreciative of all the work he's done since I've been so ineffective. If it rested solely on my shoulders it would have taken a few more days...I think.

Because while he was asking the agency questions like "the I-800 says it needs this form, can you send it?" and "How do we fill out this part of the paperwork?"...

I was asking, "How many other families in our LID?" (5, but they are all I-600) "Can we send a package?" (If you want.) "Can we get an update on her?" (Sure, just let us know what you want asked.)

Funny because my real life friends think of me as detailed and organized, but I'm starting to think I just hide my flakiness better than others. Or maybe the details that interest me are just different than government paperwork. Either way I am really pleased one of us can focus.

It's Only an Extra Week, Right?

2012-01-23T13:20:00.000-08:00

Referral post is here.

Part of me knows there is a lot to get ready before we go and that we will be very busy these next few months. A larger part wants to skip the next few months and just be in China right now. But it will take time. Now it will take another week of time.

Specifically, when our agency rep gave us our referral Thursday she said translation will take longer than usual because of the Chinese New Year. At that moment I did not care what she meant by longer and couldn't even be curious as to why.

Apparently the translation is done in China? So we cannot expect to get our translated documents until next Monday, Jan. 30th at the earliest. Wouldn't matter except we cannot send in our I800 until we have the translated documents.

It appears to take between 6-12 weeks from I800 to TA. I can't tell exactly and nothing is guaranteed. Then typically our agency says we would travel 2-3 weeks after TA (though it could be even quicker...or longer.)

So that means...1 week for translation + 6 weeks for TA + 2 weeks to travel = 9 weeks at the soonest...and realistically 12 weeks or more.

Ummm, I actually waited relatively patiently and sanely during the 5 1/2 year wait for referral--really I did. I apparently saved up all the crazy for now. Because that one week...it is driving me nuts.

Specifically, I have called my husband 3 times (about to be 4), we have sent our agency 8 messages, and I have not done anything remotely productive non-adoption related all day. I have spent all morning reading different people's timelines and worrying that we will be the ones that take 6 months to travel.

Deep breath.

Why No Pictures...

2012-01-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

If you are here for our referral post, it is here.

When I wrote my post introducing Sweet Pea I wrote it to the 12 friends who read this blog and I had already warned them I wouldn't post her picture until she was officially in our arms. But then I linked to China Adopt Talk and had over 2500 visits in the last few days.

Crazy!

The BEST part of those visits have been other mom's with children from Yugan introducing themselves. Also, we are so excited about our news it is fun to have others rejoicing and celebrating with us.

But it is true that if you look around our blog you'll see I post pictures all the time. I love photography and photos and I love staring at my children's beautiful faces. So it is not exactly a privacy issue that is causing me to not post her picture...except it is.

First, we only have 3 pictures of our darling girl. I have e-mailed them to friends, put them on facebook, and showed them to every single person at church today...the people who have been waiting and praying with us for the last 6 years. (That is the scanned in and reprinted ones in order to keep the originals safe.) So I want to share and it is a moment by moment struggle not to just upload them to the blog.

But right now those pictures are all I have of her and a part of me does not want to give that to the world. I want to keep what little I have to myself and to those who know and care about me. It is selfish perhaps, but I don't feel bad about it. When I have more to share, when I have 100 pictures of our baby girl, then sharing 1 or 2 won't feel so much like giving her away to the World.

In addition, even though I use the phrase "our" she has only been matched with us. She has an orphanage and crib mates and caregivers...she is still theirs (if she was anyone's possession). As attached as I feel to her little picture and as much as my heart swells with love as I look into her adorable face, they are the ones who KNOW and LOVE her. A part of me feels that posting her photo for everyone would be like taking a picture you took of the sunset and claiming I took it.

I don't judge anyone else for posting pictures or not...in fact good for them for being so unselfish and I LOVE looking at other people's babies...but me...I am selfish.

Trust me. Once she is in my arms and I have hundreds of photos, I will be sharing. We'll have 8-10 months of being apart for which to make up. But some things will always remain private. After all, my husband would be very angry at me if I posted our social security numbers.

But this is what my family was doing around the time of her birth. We are very excited to have her with us next time.

(By the way, while I am posting this sooner than later to answer a comment, it is something I always intended to write.)

Introducing...

2012-01-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Sweet Pea! (Sorry, you don't get her real name.)

We have a referral! We have a referral! We have a referral! For those not in the adoption world...We have been matched with a child! We have been matched with a child! We have been matched with a child! (I thought since I won't be posting a photo I should make it up to you with enthusiasm.)

She is almost 6 months and waiting for us in Yugan County SWI in Jiangxi Province of China.

She has a small mop of soft hair, a sweet round face, and the most beautiful eyes. It does not appear she has any teeth yet...I keep looking at the picture over and over. (But nyah, nyah I won't share!) She does look a little angry or determined; I think she'll be able to keep up with Sunflower no problem.

Because of the snow this week we were all home (though Oak was in the shower) when we got the call from our agency. We'd made sure on Wednesday that the China Team would call us directly instead of trying to go through our social worker here in this state (who we did not expect to be at work anxiously waiting to get our information for us.)

So our China Team rep called at 12:15 p.m. our time. I was just pouring a coke that I found 3 hours later. I immediately asked her if it was bad news while I ran to get Oak. She laughed and said, "no good news, very good news." And it is.

After the call they finished scanning in all the documents and put them so we could download them. Can I tell you when our power flickered taking out the internet BEFORE we saw the picture we were pretty stressed? We had it back up in 5 minutes and I have many friends who have been without power overnight, so I feel bad...but if we had not gotten that picture...

So timeline...Monday we knew we were in this batch. Tuesday our agency confirmed the "referrals would be landing later this week." Wednesday we had a conference call about next steps and travel. Thursday we got the call. Today we expect to have the hardcopy of all the paperwork in our hands.

Next week sometime we'll have the translated documents. At that point we get to start the countdown to travel as we send in our I800. We are expecting (based on current travel estimates) that we will be traveling late March at the earliest and early May at the latest. We will have 3 days to 3 weeks notice of our travel dates...so we'd better get packing.

Yesterday I printed out the little referral picture they scanned and e-mailed. I forgot to tell the printer I was printing on 4x6 so it "filled" the paper with the top of her head and eyes.

Sunflower pounced on the photo and asked if she could have it. She said it would be a good idea to put it on her tall dresser. I gave it to her because I knew I planned to print another properly. But once I had the other one printed Sunflower decided to "trade" with me. "Here, Mom. You can have this one. She is MY BABY SISTER."

I stole the picture back after Sunflower was asleep though I plan to print more as soon as I have more ink.

Conference Call

2012-01-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

So we left the kids downstairs for an hour and joined many, many other families to hear all the different steps after referral (which we do not YET have.) Very exciting...and very dull.

Basically the ~~important points~~ interesting to me parts are our agency arranges all the in country travel though we can book our own flights to China or use their recommended travel agency. Kind of reassuring really.

Because White Swan in Guangzhou is being renovated our group will stay at the Marriott. This makes Oak happy to know since he has been researching hotels and will now know which reviews are actually useful.

She said Guangzhou so often I thought for sure I would remember how to pronounce it, but it has already left my head.

Once our agency receives a Travel Invitation (TA in everyone else's language) they'll let us know immediately and we'll know our travel dates 3 days to 2 weeks later. Our travel dates will be 1 day to 6 weeks after that...usually 2-3 weeks.

I am not looking forward to THAT waiting game while trying to prepare, packing, and figuring out who will watch SnapDragon and Sunflower on which days without knowing which days need watching.

Oh, and they had some questions about cost so she said alot about the range of plane tickets to and from and why they might be different for everyone and then ended with "typically around $2000 per adult...assuming you go there and back." Where else would we go?

After the conference call they had a time for questions, but we couldn't unmute. So I called back and spoke directly to our China representative at the head office in another state. Nice to connect a voice with the name. She'll e-mail us the travel packet that we would get after referral anyway but we like things early. In fact we have a travel packet, it was just prepared in 2006 so not too useful.

We did get the snow predicted, so I better go make some phone calls to cancel my evening plans. So far we've stayed inside today...it is really cold out.

Tuesday, January 17th

2012-01-17T23:06:00.000-08:00

SnapDragon's school was canceled for Tuesday. Huckleberry's school was not canceled...though since only 3 of the schools in his district had a school day planned it got a little confusing.

Specifically we got a hold of his school and took him on time as they insisted school was still in session. So did 140 other parents. The other 500 odd students stayed home.

Tomorrow his school is canceled. So is SnapDragon's. So is Oak's. (Well, he works at a college which is closed.)

An unexpected day home together. I'm not sure we'll actually get the snow they are predicting, but I'm not complaining. It'll give me a chance to practice taking pictures in the snow...something I don't get very often.

The best thing about everyone being home tomorrow is there is a conference call with our agency for all families logged into China to have the steps after referral explained to us. This is fantastic because USCIS, NVC, TA, ART, and RA are all just letters in the alphabet to me right now.

Kids Make Me Laugh

2012-01-15T23:55:00.000-08:00

Our modern times certainly changes how children view things. Today we had a 4 year old boy over. He pushed some keys on the piano...and jumped.

"I didn't know it was on!" (His family has an electric piano.)

*********

Today Oak was praying over dinner and thanked God for Sunflower and in it he said she is smart and nice.

She piped up, "I'm not nice. I hit people."

********

Sunflower spent a happy half hour wrapping up one of brother's notebooks. Then she carried around her "present" the rest of the day including to her trip to the store with Daddy.

Oak says that halfway there she asked, "Can I open my present?"

"Ummm, sure."

So she opened it.

"Ooooh! A notebook! EXACTLY what I wanted!"

Yes, You'll Get Wet

2012-01-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

When the shepherds visited Jesus in the manger and told every one the amazing news that this little baby was the savior of the world Mary's response always fascinated me.

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19

Before I had children I would try to understand this verse and I thought I got it. In my head she stood in silent awe at being the mother of this amazing child and quiet worship of her Lord. Certainly I think that is part of it and at the same time so much deeper...more than words can express.

So while I cannot express how full my heart is this week because of my children, that God would honor me with their upbringing as flawed as I am, and at how amazingly incredible they are turning out to be as they grow into the people GOD created...for me this verse explains it as well as anything can.

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart."

Especially as my boys got baptized this last Sunday.

They chose Auntie J to baptize them since they feel she played a big part in their spiritual walk.

And she does: praying with them when she babysits, having them memorize Revelation (only chapter 1 so far), and exemplifying a compassionate and Christ-like lifestyle.

We believe children should choose when the obey Jesus in this command on their own and that it is important they understand that they are choosing to follow Jesus. But while it thrills me that my boys want to have a relationship with Christ, we were worried that SnapDragon could not possibly understand yet. He had to wait almost a year from when he first asked as we talked and prayed with him.

But I don't think there is any mistaking the joy this gave him...joy in obeying his Lord and Savior. Being so aware of his own sin without any help from others, he is excited to continue to take the steps hand in hand with Jesus and guided by the Holy Spirit to become more like Christ--to walk in the light.

Now our belief system teaches that baptism is a symbolism of being born again with Christ...it is NOT the salvation from our sins--that occurs when we accept the free gift of Christ. But I do know that my Spiritual journey took off after I made this choice in college having been baptized before as a baby. I believe this is a wonderful step in both my sons' lives, one they made on their own with their own hearts. While it makes me feel proud of them, in the long run has very little to do with me as a parent and everything to do with their own personal journeys with Christ.

And I think maybe that is a little of what Mary felt that day. Up to that point it had been about her and her teen pregnancy and her purity before God, but as the shepherds came to worship it became about JESUS who is GOD and she, little lowly God loving Mary, was going to given the honor to stand by and witness it.

And I ponder...what amazing things will I get to witness as I stand by and allow God to rein in my children's lives?

Of course we do still have responsibility to guide our children. Sunflower also asked to be baptized and we said no.

Specifically when asking the boys whom they wanted to baptize them she said, "I would like...J (age 4)...or E (age 2) to advertize me!'

Back in the Swing

2012-01-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm finally settling into life after vacation again. I even had a productive morning. I took a picture of the laundry for Scavenger Hunt Sunday and started folding it. The dishwasher and the washing machine are running. The kitchen is torn apart for a deep clean and everything that has crept under the couch this last week is put away.

It is handy to have Huckleberry have a late start on Fridays so he can do so much work.

I also hunted down the last address for Christmas cards and only have one package left to mail. (My sister's, but I still have 4 days to beat last year's mailing; Captain Awesome's went out this morning...only one week after we wrapped it.)

I even took SnapDragon his lunch at school...he'd left it at home. This makes up for the fact that I didn't pick him up from school on Wednesday until the school called me. In my defense, Wednesday early dismissals that only happen on some Wednesdays is really annoying.

It probably doesn't make up for the fact that I forgot to take Huckleberry to school on Monday at all...SnapDragon and Oak had the day off; I just assumed Huckleberry did, too.

My friend said, "the word is cal...en...dar."

Yep, I looked. It is in my calendar exactly right (as is SnapDragon's early dismissal). I thought I'd double checked, but I must have looked up SnapDragon's info twice.

Anyway, I'm hoping the rest of this afternoon can be as productive as the morning. It probably can be since I finished my DS game. But first I want to play with some Christmas light bokeh before denuding the tree. We like to get the most out of our tree, but we need the space back for SnapDragon's birthday party on Sunday.

I-800A Approval

2011-12-29T00:56:00.000-08:00

We had a fabulous Christmas, made even better by getting our I-800A approval in the mail a few days before it. This means we officially have approval from the US government to adopt Internationally. When we get a referral we have some more paperwork (big surprise, I know) to get their approval to adopt the specific child China has chosen for us.

Now we wait for our referral...and it might be in this next month. Rumor Queen says so...but then she back-tracked and said it will be the 14th or 15th...given that we are the 15th that one day difference can be the world.

I should probably mention that when we get our referral it will not appear on the blog right away...and I'm not sure if I'll share her picture or not (until she is home, than of course, I will). We have several family members personally that will expect us to share with them before we tell the world. Given how many siblings and real life friends we have, it could take several days. I know! Of course, I'm closer to my on-line, bloggy adoption friends then real life people, but you cannot tell them that!

On the other hand, just because my blog is silent for a week or two...like this last week...you cannot assume we have a referral. I could just have a new DS game. Oh, and my husband and kids home all week for fun, food, and ~~fights~~ sweet fellowship.

Not Exactly the News for which I was Hoping

2011-12-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

So there is a new rumor. It isn't good...it isn't bad...it isn't even more than a teeny-tiny rumor. The rumor is that matches are coming for families with LID 8/8, 8/9, and 8/10. Usually I wait to talk about the rumor until they are confirmed, but as we get closer to our login, I get more and more emotionally involved.

I have been telling most people we will most probably won't receive our referral in this batch or maybe even the next, meaning we will receive our match February or March, but based on my response to this rumor...my heart of hearts was hoping for this batch (though that would be 8 days of matches.)

If we got a referral now we might be traveling by March at the same time as a bloggy friend, but I would miss my church's women's conference.

If we got our referral now we could tell everyone at Christmas and have a photo soon, but we might be delayed by having not gotten our i800A.

If we got our referral now it would be God's plan, but if we don't, it is not.

Really, it is as simple as that...and saying it, speaking truth...it always helps me.

Now this rumor is only and itsy-bitsy rumor, but my experience is they seem to grow into truth...so if it doesn't, if China does send matches all the way through the 15th, I will know who to thank, who will deserve the praise and honor.

In the meantime...

1 Peter 1:3-9:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."

Oh, and if you just want to be encouraged by how powerful and loving God really is check out the links at Linny's Memorial Box Monday. Some of the stories will bless your socks off.

Happy Annivirthday!

2011-12-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

Today is my 14th wedding anniversary...as my friend whose birthday is today reminded me. We did go out to celebrate on Friday...it was the only evening not planned in the whole month of December. Okay, that is an exaggeration; I believe we have the evening of the 28th free. Of course we could free up other days if anyone in Texas or Colorado wanted to visit.

Anyway, since I'm going out tonight with my MOPS table and I've spent the last 3 days straight working on photos from a friend's party (my first, and possibly last, paying photography job), I thought I should give a shout out to my incredible husband who encourages me, watches the kids, cooks, does laundry, works, laughs at my jokes, takes babies to the doctor to have staples removed (happening Friday), and overall is just a wonderful man.

I think he could do better...but I certainly can't. Happy Anniversary, Oak. May the next 14 years be filled with laughter.

By the way, tomorrow is his birthday...and I don't have a present for that either. Maybe between Bible study, lunch with a friend, printing photos, and AWANA/Financial Peace class...

No Stitches

2011-12-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

If you ask Sunflower to tell the story, she says, "They gave me apple juice in a CAN not a box!"

If you ask Huckleberry, he looks confused and furtive at the same time and says, "didn't Daddy tell you?"

If you ask SnapDragon, he says, "I was lying on the floor on my tummy relaxing when Sunflower jumped from the rocking chair onto my side...which hurt for just a second...and bounced into the green chair."

If you ask Oak, he says, "Sunflower jumped off the rocking chair, bounced off SnapDragon, and cracked her head on the brown chair. She was just crying and running her hands through her hair when I realized they were bloody. I very calmly put the served ice cream back in the freezer, told the boys to get their shoes and game boys (which are actually dsLites), and took her to Urgent Care. The Doctor pressed the injury together a few times and said, 'sorry, we can't glue this one.' So they strapped her down and gave her 3 staples. She cried a lot less than I expected. Then they gave her some apple juice."

She did like the sound the stapler made and is now saying it every once in awhile out of the blue.

"Chee, chee, chee...why is it in a CAN?

Christmas is Coming...

2011-12-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

There is a Holiday Bokeh Party going on...and I want to play. Since I already posted this photo on my photo blog, I'm linking up here.

Merry Christmas!

Once we get our tree up I plan to be swimming in Holiday Bokeh shots...that is after I finish editing the pictures from a party I attended Sunday.

Always on My Mind

2011-12-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

I don't think of myself as particularly sensitive when it comes to word choice or up on all the politically correct phrases, particularly when some phrases are correct or not depending on with whom you are talking. Adoption language is the same way for me. Yes, I've heard a lot of phrases, some of which I understand, some not, but most of which I try to avoid because it doesn't cost me anything and some people seem to really, really care. Plus perhaps someday the person who will really, really care will be my daughter.

So this isn't about whether some phrases are appropriate or not, because I don't know, or even about me being offended, because I wasn't.

This morning after my Bible study a friend was commenting on her 3 year old daughter's hair--"look how bad it is, it looks like she is an orphan." This led to a discussion about how bad my children's hair always look...to the extent that I got a "compliment" on their Christmas picture of their "sleepy heads." (This also did not hurt my feelings.)

Then another woman chimed in that she calls her bed head "teriyaki hair" because it looks like she has chopsticks everywhere.

So I "know of" people on-line who would be offended that the plight of the orphan was trivialized or that another person would make a racists comment. A part of me pondered those responses, but all I felt was sad...and I couldn't figure out why since I knew the speakers hearts' and intent and they are not offensive.

But you know what I figured out? I'm sad for a few reasons. One more intellectual sadness is that I'm pretty sure they would have not have said those comments if my daughter (who is not yet here) was on my hip. I think they would have been conscious that at one point she was an orphan and that she is from China and would have held back potentially problematic phrases...or immediately retreated with embarrassment afterwards. I don't know what that says about our culture or the actual appropriateness of certain language, but I know it makes me sad. Partly because it shows she is not on their mind right now (which I find completely understandable).

But a larger part, the more emotional part, is sad because even in the most pessimistic of scenarios (aside from the never adopting scenario) we should be home with a 1 year old in less than 7 months (probably sooner). That means somewhere in China today there is a baby who is between 2-8 months old...ALREADY an orphan...who has to wait 4-7 months to meet her new family, her plan B.

And that makes me sad.

Some part of me each day as I snap pictures, go to MOPs and my photography classes, as I play games with my children, as we go to Nativity plays, dinner with friends, as I enjoy life, a small part of me is always a little sad. When the timeline was impossibly long and unpredictable, I did not feel this so frequently. But knowing she has to have be born, has to have been taken to an orphanage, that possibly her caregiver or foster mom are falling in love with her knowing she will someday leave them, that she is hearing a language that should be hers but will be lost, that...

It makes me sad. (Maybe a little less sad when I'm arguing homework with my middle child...)

Now, I don't actually want this sadness to go away. I don't want to go about life and forget her. I believe this feeling will only help me have compassion for her, particularly during the transition if I can remember what she lost while I lived a life of privilege and joy.

I just do not know how intense it must be for the moms and dads who already know who is going to join their family but are still waiting and waiting to travel. Someday soon, hopefully, that will be where we are at, so then I'll know. Even though I expect it to be hard, I cannot wait.

In the meantime, we got 3 little children passports in the mail today...only one should be needed when we travel to China...but 3 passports means we are one step closer to being a family of 6, to bringing home our child and begin healing the wounds created by 1 year as an orphan.

My Kids

2011-12-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

My kids might just be tired of me taking pictures of them.

But I just can't help it.

Sunday Snapshot -- The Zoo...again

2011-11-26T20:50:00.000-08:00

We go to the zoo a lot. An annual pass makes it "free" and it is a great place to practice taking pictures--a win-win for all! So Black Friday, instead of shopping or staying home feeling like we "should do something," we went to the zoo.

The nice thing about cold overcast days is that means a lot of the animals are prowling about.

Clouded Leopard

Even if they are mostly behind glass.

Tiger

The sunniest part of the day was when Oak and the kids went into the aquarium and I waited outside to take pictures at my leisure with my non-fogged up lens.

The Peacock was quite the poser, which is not something I can say for my children.

Thankfully our zoo has some beautiful foliage to enjoy even if I didn't get any great pictures of the kids.

Penguin

Plus there is always the age old question of "what is the difference between a penguin...

Puffin

...and a Puffin?" to entertain us all.

The zoo labels most...if not all...of their plants, but I almost never remember to read the label. Oh, well, I think it is pretty.

The Polar Bear had moved away from the pond by the time I had my turn at the window, so I tried to make do. My son said my first attempt looked like a human foot, so I tried again. Some lady with a cell phone has the full view shot.

Red Wolf

I filled my card while taking pictures of this guy. They have a nice, new habitat and zoos across the country are bringing these animals back from the brink of extinction.

But then I saw these purple berries...so thankful for back up memory cards. But now Thanksgiving weekend is almost over...

...time to start celebrating Christmas!

(If anyone wants to visit us, we have 3 guest passes each time we visit the zoo...and ZooLights is quite beautiful.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone has a most fabulous Thanksgiving! It is so nice for me to be able to see family and have my husband and kids home for 4 whole days. Dinner with Oak's family last night, breakfast with them all here this morning, and dinner with my family tonight...then 3 days as a family (except for one "shoot" of a friend's family!)

Also, we are one step...a little step...closer to China. It appears they matched families with LID 8/3/2006-8/7/2006...5 days. I was hoping for more, but the fact that they sent a batch at all is great news. Rumor Queen actually has us in the next batch...and her predictions have been fairly accurate even when I thought she was being hopelessly optimistic. China can match 8/8/2006-8/15/2006 in one batch. That would be the best Christmas present ever...better than the 70-200 f/2.8 camera lens which at $2499 is even less likely (as in impossible) than seeing my daughter's face before the new year.

Why do I feel like this?

SnapDragon is always up for a giggle!

If You Spill It

2011-11-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

We finally got a desk so we can bring our main computer downstairs and out of our bedroom. Hopefully it will make it more accessible to the boys as they start to need it more often, but more likely it'll just mean I'm on the computer even more frequently (if that was even possible.)

Oak was putting it together when Sunflower spilled his glass of coke (only to be expected as it was on the floor next to the interesting parts Sunflower kept trying to steal.)

I took the glass and got the carpet cleaner. Then I sat down on the floor to cuddle Sunflower--partly to comfort her as she was upset and partly to keep her away from the mess.

After a little while Oak handed the wet rags towards me and asked, "Can you rinse these out for me?"

Sunflower lifted her head off of my shoulder, looked at the rags, and said, "No. I can't. I'm holding Mom."

No News...is Good News?

2011-11-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

I should be doing something productive...like cleaning, folding laundry, or at minimum organizing/deleting photos. Instead I'm watching Doras with Sunflower and checking China Adopt Talk for the latest news.

The current rumor is that referrals should be arriving this week and maybe August 8th is included...maybe not...maybe more. August 8 would be 6 days matched leaving us 7 more days in front of us. Really, it is silly.

Whether China matches to the 8, 9, or 10th doesn't make a difference to us. Our odds of being matched in December is still low, but possible, and our more probable date of seeing our daughter's face is still February/March...and you know, those months are coming really soon anyway.

So clicking and clicking to find the latest news does not change anything...but it does waste time and give me a headache. I should really turn off Dora and hunt down Sunflower...last I saw her she was heading up the stairs without clothes on and a pile of clothes in her arms to pack.

I guess because we took all three children on Friday to apply for passports she thinks she is going to China with us. Oak figured we should get them all passports...in case we forget to find them childcare for while we are gone or have a need to flee to Canada.

We got our passports at the start of the process...thank goodness adult passports are good for 10 years or we would have to renew them already.

On a side, related note, at one point I started panicking because we had talked to various people who might watch SnapDragon and Sunflower while we are gone, but I realized I hadn't asked anyone about Huckleberry. That's because he is traveling to China with us...I hope I remember that when the time comes.

Fingerprints...done!

2011-11-14T20:48:00.000-08:00

We decided to try to walk-in and have our fingerprints taken today. Our friend took Sunflower last night so we could hit the road after dropping the boys at school and hopefully make it back in time for the school bell. I had gotten very little sleep last night, so I was anxious about spending the day at the Department of Homeland Security waiting, waiting, and waiting. However, several things came together to make it happen and God's fingerprints were definitely in the details.

First, even though I was exhausted, I had recently decided my hair was driving me nuts. This led to my usual next step, splurging to buy the slightly more expensive shampoo and conditioner my best friend uses on her gorgeous hair. I am convinced that if I use it frequently enough I, too, will have thick, beautiful, red hair. By the end of a bottle I am usually happier with my hair as it is healthier and softer, but discouraged by the lack of red and thickness I go back to my bad hair care product purchase habits.

Anyway, this time, I couldn't remember exactly which line of the product she buys, so I bought the "invigorating" one. I figured it was just a marketing tool. Well, no. Imagine putting medicated chapstick on your scalp. Kind of tingly and it really does wake you up. Can I admit I kind of like it?

Then we made good time getting to the office and after going through security with no annoying beeps (last time we were there Oak had his micro-leatherman confiscated not to be returned) the next line was surprising short...3-4 people...to be told to go to window 11 to find out if they would accept walk-ins today...his sad smile and doubtful head shake was quite discouraging.

The next lady at the head of the next quite a bit longer line was the one who would say yes or no. There were several signs stating aht walk-ins are not welcome. SOMETIMES our office takes walk-ins, but only when they are not busy, and they were clearly busy today. She looked stressed and on the verge of a no but we'd prayed for those in power to find favor on us...and it was clear she didn't WANT to turn us away.

So she gave us some papers and told us to fill it out and get back to the end of her line again. Fast forward to the front of her line again and she gives us a number. Then we wait a little longer and our number is called. Then we go into the fingerprint room and wait in line one last time. At each time I felt afraid that they would turn us away, but we continued on until completion...and while waiting we heard other walk-ins being turned away by the lady who had replaced our kind-hearted lady.

After only a little over two hours in the office, big happy sigh, it is done! Now we can spend the day after Thanksgiving as God intended...shopping! Just kidding, spending it with family being thankful...as we do have so much for which to be thankful!

11 on 11/11/11

2011-11-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for:

1.   My God
2.   My family
3.   My friends--real and on-line
4.   My warm fuzzy blanket
5.   My house
6.   My reliably running cars
7.   My camera and all its fun accessories and photography
8.   My access to food
9.   My husband's job
10. My activities--MOPS, Jeremiah Bible Study, Photography class, etc.
11. All the Veterans and their families who sacrifice for My freedom
     (Thank you Captain...soon to be Major...Awesome)

Our Trip

2011-11-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

We spent last weekend down South with Oak's brother and his (Oak's brother's) wife. It was a great weekend of good conversation, excellent food, and slightly wild children.

Of course we did spend time at the Science Museum since our annual pass in not yet expired. There are more Science Museum photos on my photography blog.

They have lots of interesting things for the kids to try out.

And I tried the instruction from my photography class to take pictures from no higher than 3 feet. My teacher said fashion photographers never take pictures from higher than that.

Doesn't it make Oak look like a fashion model...even if he did move away before I could play with my exposure more. I've known to get down on eye level with the kids, but had never tried it with adults.

SnapDragon did excellently well on this math puzzle. I am very proud of his math abilities...if not his hair cut.

We did have Sunflower use the bathroom before playing in the water...first dry trip at the Science Center...though Sunflower did try to take her shirt off because "it is wet!"

Then burritos for lunch, trip to the camera store, and an evening at the house which included some delicious homemade pizza and a movie.

Sunday Breakfast was smoothies and a scrumptious lemon, blueberry coffee cake. Aunt H is a very good cook.

Are you ready to play yet, Aunt H? Are you done yet?

Time for the second game of Settlers. Poor, Uncle B, he just cannot understand the illogical thinking of 7 year olds. Aunt H crushed them all.

We ended the visit with lunch at the best Vietnamese restaurant ever. The owner will even make a bowl of plain noodles for those picky little 7 year olds...and grill a chicken breast to go with the noodles for little sister.

This is why my mother refused to watch us eat noodle soup when I was a child, but what is one to do with chop sticks?

Then good-byes in the parking lot though I was so busy taking pictures I didn't realize I'd left my purse. Uncle B will pick it up and mail it to me...thankfully I have my wallet with my driver's lisence. I would have so much trouble breaking the rules or staying home for this next week.

Then we made a beeline for Oak's sister's church to see our niece get baptized...so we couldn't stop and let me take pictures of the beautiful sky behind us. That's okay...car mirrors are fun.

Ended the evening celebrating at the church with coaco and snacks.

Huckleberry even had a chance to show his saxaphone (school rental) to his musically gifted Cousin J. And I got a chance to practice more night photography...take off the glasses is my tip of the day.

Fingerprint Appointment

2011-11-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

Today we got the notice for our fingerprint appointment which we need to get our I-800a approval. The appointment date is November 25th...yes, black Friday. We may or may not be able to go in on an earlier date which may or may not speed up our approval...we'll see; a Friday holiday may just give us more babysitting options or less.

In the meantime, Sunflower is well on her way to learning to eat with chopsticks...

Or not. It is too bad since she is not the optimal person to teach baby sister the alphabet either as she sings it:

A B C D S O B H I J L M N O P...Always A B C D S O B.

I Have China on My Mind

2011-11-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, Sunflower and I were playing outside. Sunflower saw a spider on the slide just as she was about to climb up it. (Yes, my children are allowed to climb up slides.) This was her expression:

I told her the spider was gone...it had gone so far it was probably now in China.

"No! Not China! That's where my baby sister is!"

"Don't EAT my baby sister!"

She chased that spider down so it wouldn't get to her baby sister. (It is always baby sister...never just baby...or just sister.)

Then today Sunflower was playing and said, "I'm a baby, wah, wah! I need to go to China."

What?

"China is where the babies are."

We have some things to clarify. I am not going to tell you all the things she said about baby sister, China, and tummies.

My Week in a Wordy Nutshell

2011-10-27T16:38:00.000-07:00

Such a fun week--pumpkin patch, lunch with friends, Jeremiah Bible Study, Financial Peace University, playdate here for SnapDragon, my niece's volleyball tournament, and tonight my photography class. I've been spending a bit less time on my blogs to keep up with everything and my photography homework (which was quite challenging for me and did not produce share quality photos.) Also, Jeremiah talks a lot about our hearts being given over completely to God, to have no idols before Him, so I am praying for a little more balance and better prioritizing in my life. That is an oversimplification of what I'm learning in my Bible Study, but I don't have time to go into detail right now.

But speaking of balance...I have been trying to take pictures of the boys more instead of just Sunflower. I do love all of my children not just my cute baby girl.

In adoption news, today we got our paper i-800a receipt--basically the acknowledgment that the government received our i-800a application (which is requesting permission to adopt a child Internationally.) We got our electronic receipt Monday morning--or Sunday really, really late. Specifically we got a text a little after midnight on Sunday, or more accurately Oak's phone dinged waking us up to tell us there was a text. Somehow it didn't feel so bad when we realized it was our i-800a receipt--though the e-mail he read the next morning was probably sufficient.

Next step is a letter saying we can go in to get our fingerprints. I don't know how long that will take. Not too long probably in the grand scheme of being in process 6 years. 1 month or 2...that's downright lightening fast.

More Numbers

2011-10-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

The rumor is that China matched families upto and including LID (login date) August 2, 2006. Not the largest group, nor the smallest, just about average. In fact it covers the 5 days I usually use for my math.

Puts us only 13 days of matches away! Most probably 2-3 batches away from match...possibly 1-4. A Christmas referral is not outside the realm of possibility though Thanksgiving would be a true Christmas miracle. Even China Adoption Forecast (who are notorious pessimists, but often proven right) has us getting our referral in Feb. 2012.

The real exciting part of this is that for the last few years China has only done 10 batches in a year. Sometimes having a big gap in October, November. One year only getting to 10 batches by having 2 in December. This October batch brings them to 10 batches this year. That may mean we won't see a batch until January, but I think it is more likely we'll still see at least one more batch if not two this calendar year.

Since at the beginning of the year I didn't think they would get into August LIDs at all until January, I am nothing but excited!

Wordless Wednesday -- Sunflower Smiles

2011-10-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

Know God

2011-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

I just finished my homework for my Jeremiah class that meets tomorrow. I had put it off all week, but today was a half day of school...so SnapDragon was home to entertain Sunflower...and Netflix streaming was working...so I got it all done. It is good to have it done (5 days of homework in one sitting was not the ideal method), but also just great to let God's word seep into me.

Jeremiah 9:23-24: Thus says the LORD, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD.

How can I understand and know God unless I spend time with Him and study His word? And I really want to Know Him because ~~I love to boast~~; I mean because I want to follow God, not myself as the people in Jeremiah did. Have you not studied Jeremiah? Trust me, you want to Know God.

And really...the Lord exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth and delights in these things. That is the team I want to be on.

I-800A In the Mail...Almost

2011-10-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

Received our completed homestudy today (not Saturday as promised)! I-800A application completed and ready for FedEx tomorrow. Approximately 10-12 weeks for I-800A approval (with some fingerprints in between).

I am hoping for the faster end of approval and for it to occur one day...and only one day before referral. What? It could happen!

It feels so exhilarating to be waiting on the US government for this next step instead of our agency...who we can call and annoy. Ummmm, puzzling over this, but still excited!

(By the way, our social worker is moving to Montana at the end of October and we will have a new social worker, again. 3rd one for this adoption. Who said we didn't have perseverance?)

Another Zoo -- Sunday Snapshot

2011-10-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the zoo; not our usual zoo, but the one an hour North. So fun! They have lots of animals our zoo doesn't have. I'd won the tickets from one of the blogs I read--The Good Life. I took a ton of pictures. We had a great day!

There was lots of birds...

Children...

A Jaguar...

Apes...

Drummers...

Climbers...

I don't remembers (some kind of goat?)...

Hornbills...

Flowers...

Huckleberries...

Giraffes...I LOVE Giraffes...

Hippos...

Maps...

Lions...

SnapDragons...

Sunflowers...

My Family...

My Poor Baby

2011-10-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

Our homestudy is approved and signed and we should have it tomorrow so we can mail it in with our i-800 on Monday. This news should make me ecstatic, and in some ways it does. After all we have been working towards this for over a year now. It'll be fantastic to be on to the next step and actually have hope of having our i-800 approved before we get a referral.

But on the other hand, I just feel like "whatever." Today's post on We Are Grafted In finally helped me figure out why. I am terrified. In her post she talks about how after the big event (for them adoption, also, but it could be anything) life keeps going and sometimes it is hard. Maybe sometimes it feels too hard. She goes on with encouragement and advice, but I'm stuck on the too hard.

Already I too often fail as a parent and a friend. Both boys were almost late to school today...Huckleberry was probably actually "visit the office" late. Yes, it was homework issues and slowness in putting on shoes (who knew an 11 year old could take so long), but it was also me slacking off last night not following through on the homework and me not allotting enough time for shoes because a Friday start of 10:20 a.m. means I'm on the computer and not looking at the time. Oh, I know all parents make mistakes and even my yelling "Yes, I did!" to the "you didn't ask me to do my reading minutes last night!" isn't the end of the world.

But here's the thing, it shows me my selfishness and my inability to act selflessly in order to be a good mom. How much harder will it be when I need to love and nurture a child I haven't known from birth, who doesn't have reserves of love and confidence, whose real needs are more demanding than what I've previously experienced.

I fear the inability to leave her in the nursery...possibly not be able to attend a woman's Bible Study or even MOPS because of her need to attach to me, feel secure, and not be abandoned. I fear the inability to sooth her because I do not know her, or because of sensory issues, or because she needs something I do not have. I fear for my ability (or possible lack) to put her needs first day after day after day. And yes, I fear my own selfish heart and the possible inability for me to love and bond to a child that possibly has more needs than a newborn and is more emotionally fragile than a newborn.

That isn't to say I believe we should not adopt or that God will not give me what I need in order to persevere and be the mother this child needs. I just worry about days like this when every request is said a little louder than I intend and all I want is to put Sunflower to nap so I can do what...nothing? Just so I can be ALONE. Right now my children are fine, healthy, happy, secure...they can handle it when I have a bad mommy day...and those days aren't very frequent because mommy has Bible Study, MOPS, photography, blogging...I get a lot of time to myself.

But that will change when our child is home from China. Her needs, through no fault of her own, are guaranteed to take more of my time, in well-baby doctor visits alone if not sleep, attachment, sensory, and eating issues. Now, I know I cannot do it on my own. I realize I will need to rely on Jesus and that I am very blessed to have family and friends that will help if I can just express what I need. I have no worries that we will have a catastrophic failure.

No, what makes me sad is that on days like this instead of rejoicing in a finalized homestudy I weep for my poor baby who is separated through now choice or fault of her own from one set of imperfect parents to be raised by a second set of imperfect parents who don't look like her, speak her language, or know her; who are selfish, have unspoken expectations, and who will fail her.

So I am a little terrified as we get a little closer to bringing home a child. And I pray, Lord, don't let my compassion fail, help me to be selfless, give me Your love for her, please help me be enough...all while letting Sunflower jump on the couch even though it is against the rules because then at least she isn't jumping on me.

Sigh. More prayer is needed. And a few, you can do it, won't be rejected.

Parenting Made Easy

2011-10-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like now that I have a moment, I should post something because I'm making every one sad with the story of my son's school's lock down (turns out a man waving a gun ran across the street without looking both directions...or looking back; the incident was brief and not even verifiable, but the lock down lasted all day.) I don't disagree that we live in a scarier world...though in some ways, I think the scary is just more apparent. We used to try to hide sin but now we show it for all the world to see and call it being ourselves.

Yep, ourselves aren't really that great. And the truth is our kids aren't all that safe. We can try to protect them, and certainly as parents we have to make wise choices and set safe boundaries, but danger will still exist. I can remove my child from this crime infested city and hide in some tiny town...removing the possibility of gang violence and exposing them to blatant racism and hidden immorality--or some other sin of choice. Honestly my personality prefers the "Look at me! I am going my own way!" then the treachery of Judah (Jeremiah).

Do I fear for my children's saftey? YES! I spent the first week of Huckleberry's Middle School paranoid that I would get a call that he had been beaten up and lost a kidney, meet them at the hospital. Personally I found the strike kind of comforting.

But God contended with me and reminded me who I worship...a God of power and might who loves my children way more than I do...and I really love my children a lot. So when I fear for my children's safety, I call on God and remember:

Matthew 10: 28-32: "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven."

And put their safety in my Father's arms, pray for them to have a personal relationship with Christ, and I focus on teaching my children to love and fear the Lord.

So off to AWANA we go because the church does a much better job of teaching this all than I do...just kidding, though we are going to AWANA and our children's ministry team is wonderful. As a parent I believe the best way I can teach my children is living a life wholy devoted to Christ that shows authenticity, repentance, and the fruit of the spirit. Ummm, love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control--good thing repentance is part of it, too.

Lockdown the Castle

2011-10-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our son's middle school went into modified lock-down. A letter came home explaining it--there was a man outside the school grounds behaving in a dangerous manner. We got a phone call, I hoped to explain further, but again is just said behaving in a dangerous manner. So we don't know if he was waving a gun around or crossing the street without looking. I couldn't find anything out about it on the news, so I'm thinking it wasn't too bad?

But the scary thing is not that there was danger. I have it on good authority (NCIS-LA) that even if I homeschooled my child could be gunned down by stray bullets...so I leave that in God's hands. No the scary thing is that Huckleberry didn't notice. Modified lock-down means the school continued as usual but they couldn't go outside during lunch and had to be escorted by a teacher in between buildings. He just thought it was a happy coincidence that a teacher always walked with him--gave him someone to talk at.

They say ignorance is bliss, but I'm hoping it is also a form of protection.

On another completely unrelated note, I am not buying this week's Castle episode. I find it just completely improbable and ridiculous. No way. Oak thinks it is a little romantic. I think romance is that Oak was willing to rent me a lens for my Photo Walk when I thought I'd lost my wide angle (it was in my friend's car) instead of being mad that I lost an expensive lens. I guess it is a very good thing that the first speaker at this weekend's marriage conference is on bringing back the romance.

Life

2011-10-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

Life is good. It just is. And since I was weeping into my soup last October, I just thought it would be a good thing to say.

Plus Tuesday's devotion at MOPS (very well done) boiled down that to not have a complaining spirit one shouldn't allow themselves to complain about anything, not even the weather. For me, I think I need to take it even further. I need to praise the good.

Our Financial Peace class is going well. The people are nice and everyone seems to be really desirous of learning. And there is a lot to learn. It is very good for us at this time, too.

MOPS is great. I thought it would be hard to not be the one in charge and see it being "done differently." But I just love being a part of such a caring ministry even in a different role and I am actually thrilled to see how well it is doing under new leadership--women whom I adore and admire. It is fantastic to be able to focus my energy on the women at my table and building relationships in the group and not on the details of the meeting. I think it helps that everyone is doing such an excellent job without me and new moms are attending and being blessed, but I don't care about the why. I am loving it! I miss some of last year's moms, but am enjoying new people.

My Jeremiah study is excellent...really deserves another post of it's own--but I'll just stick to this week being about how much Jeremiah cared about the people God was angry with for their "stupid sin" and I need to care, too. I love studying the word of God and the wonderful women with whom I am studying it (including Oak's sister.)

I continue to have a lot of fun with my photography including walking in downtown with 13 other photographers for the World Wide Photo Walk. Cityscapes and abstract glass is not my usual subject, so it is challenging to tell if any of my photos are good, but it was a great time and a wonderful way to stretch my skills. I am going to take an 8 class photo class at a local community college with two friends starting in a few weeks. I can't wait! I think it will be so informative and fun, especially with the two creative ladies I'll be with. Taking pictures in general makes me happy, and Oak encourages it because it makes me happy.

The kids are all doing well. They love their activities and are currently healthy. They really bring me a lot of joy even when I struggle to be a most excellent parent.

But this weekend, we will miss them...a little. The boys are staying with Auntie J and Sunflower with another friend so we can have the weekend to ourselves. We are very much looking forward to this time which includes the marriage conference at our church that I "helped" plan (meaning I went to all the planning meetings and got to know a lot of really awesome people in our church.) I cannot wait to hear the planned speakers and spend time investing in my marriage. The conference is only Friday evening and Saturday day so Oak and I will still have lots of time for ourselves, too.

And last, but certainly not least, I am very happy that we can afford to heat our house! Awwww, warmth!

What Makes Me Smile

2011-10-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

My baby girl said yesterday, "Mommy, I am so proud of you!"

"Oh?"

"I way proud of you!"

"Why?"

"Because you took a shower."

I think I might need to work on increasing her expectations of me.

After all I shower every day.

When Oak and I first got married he laughed at me because I said that a rule we had in our home growing up was "no singing at the dinner table." Then we had kids.

Yesterday Sunflower was singing "I love you, You love me" over and over at dinner.

Oak said, "I thought we weren't ever going to watch Barney."

I shrugged. I have a cold. "I kind of like Barney."

"Sunflower, no singing at the table," Oak said.

"Okay. I'll sing on the floor." Soon she was singing AND dancing.

Sunflower makes me smile.

Or as her brothers put it, she makes everyone smile.

This Is Serious -- Not

2011-09-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

You know you've been watching too much Wonder Pets when you roll over in the middle of the night and sing "This is Serious!" I was either dreaming that my husband needed new clothes or that our adoption agency denied our homestudy--one of which is true and really not that serious and one which is not true but would be very serious.

I have been dreaming about the homestudy a lot and our agency saying no. And then coming with CPS to take the rest of the kids, because if we cannot parent a new child can we really parent the ones we have. Hopefully we'll have a yes early next week and we can move on to the next step with no more nightmares. Some days, which I actually haven't had too recently, when I'm tempted to lock myself in my room and let the kids fend for themselves, I do wonder why we want a fourth child. I wonder if we can really "handle it" as my case worker asked.

Especially when my middle child falls off the bunk bead ladder 10 minutes after going to bed and my oldest runs into our room screaming as if the end of the world had come. Turned out there will barely be a bruise, but hysteria did ensue, and not just from the children (not Sunflower, she slept through it all!)

I know we have great children and at times we make fairly decent parents. We often fail at a lot of the should haves (like keeping the yard weeded) but most of the time we succeed at the have tos. I also know that God will give us the wisdom, strength, and patience we'll need when the need arises if we seek Him. I also know that if we reach a point where we feel over our heads we have family, friends, and a strong church family to reach out to for help. We are so very blessed.

No, there is no reason to have nightmares about our agency rejecting us for adoption. Unless they misunderstand something. Like the fact that we signed something saying we will not spank or use corporal punishment with our adopted child (and by default our current children after the adoption.) And we totally intend to abide by that and in fact, do prefer time outs and "love and logic" methods of discipline. The Connected Child was a very useful book.

But today, when I told the joke, "What do you get if you throw a stick of butter out the window?"

Sunflower said, "A spanking."

The real answer is a butterfly.

Time Line

2011-09-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness! China has officially matched families with login dates upto July 28th, 2006. That is a two week jump which is very exciting. It is okay, I'm not rejoicing at more orphans, but more families being made. There are actually not a lot of families represented by those two weeks at the Chinese adoption offices were closed for a good portion of that time. But it brings us closer, oh, so much closer. There are only 18 days of LIDs in front of us in line...18 days!

Now we just need our homestudy signed, sealed, and delivered! Our social worker said she hopes to have it back next week sometime. We cannot press for them to hurry because that just brings on the reminder that IF we had just kept our paperwork upto date...

We could have a referral in as little as 3 months...or as much as 8 months. A referral is when they send us a tiny little picture of the child they are going to allow us to adopt. It will be the first day that we see our daughter's face and learn her name. It will be a very exciting day!

So I have never really explained the timeline we will be looking at on the blog; partly because I don't exactly understand it myself, but I'm going to try. Feel free to ignore the rest of this post. (I know my day to day friends hear it weekly, but some may be curious.)

We sent our paperwork to China and got a LID 8/15/2006
We waited.
Currently China is matched up through families with LID 7/28/2006
We wait some more.

Approximately once a month China releases more matches. These matches are done all internal to China and who the children are waiting for these matches are is known only to China. No one knows anything about their match ahead of time aside from what they requested on their paperwork--typically healthy girl, 0-12 months or as young as possible for US submitted paperwork. (Those with less rigid desires have usually been steered to special needs by now.) But China can match you with a child that does not fit those parameters. Some people's paperwork will say boy or girl, but when everyone filled their paperwork out in 2006, if you wanted a boy you were steered to another country. We were open to a little older and/or minor special needs, but our homestudy still says girl, 12 months or younger. In 2006 it seemed so reasonable. After all, there were so many baby girls needing homes.

The next group to get a match will have a LID of 7/29/2006 plus some days. This matching will probably occur around the end of October. The number of additional days that will be matched will vary--It has been as few as 2 days and as much as 14 days, currently over the last year an average of 5 days. If they go 5 days the batch will include families with LID 7/29/2006- 8/2/2006. This is not beyond the realm of possibility. Then another 5 would get them to 8/7 and another 5--8/12 and then we would be in the next batch! That is only 4 batches, Oct. Nov. Dec. Jan. It could go up or down by several months. If they just do 6 days each time we would have a referral 3 months from now, just in time for the new year.

Hopefully by the time we get our referral, whether in 3 months or 6 months (if they match 2 days at a time) we will have our homestudy finalized and our i-800 approved.

After referral we send a letter to accept the referral--RA
Then all the different US steps surrounding the i-800
Then Travel Approval
Then Consulate appointment in China (a week after picking up the child)

The timeline on all this varies, but typically a family will travel 2-4 months after referral. Our agency appears to be fairly slow at this part of it, so I'm not expecting to travel until 4 months after seeing my baby's face, but that can be different depending on Chinese holidays or other traveling families. We will be in China for two weeks and the adoption is finalized in China. We can redo the adoption in our state which is recommended.

So it should be clear why having our i-800 done now would be a good thing, but really God's hand has been in it all...I expect He will be in this as well. Or at least that is the only explanation for why I am not completely panicked and calling my agency hourly.

Instead, I'm going to go pick up SnapDragon from his every Wednesday early release. Are my children never at school?

First Day of Middle School

2011-09-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today was Huckleberry's first day of school. Okay, not really, but it feels like it. He had gone to school 5 days, then 8 days of strike, then 2 days back without his schedule being changed.

Today he starts with his new schedule, and every single class is changed. He has the same teachers for math, science, and still has music technology, but at different times. His humanity class is a different hour and a different teacher. But boys choir is now Spanish and General Studies is now band, so no complaints.

Actually since Friday they told him they couldn't give him Spanish, I am really thrilled. Monday they told him they could only give him band IF he took Spanish. Was that okay? Ummm, yeah!

Of course that is why everything else is changed to put him into the smaller Spanish and Band classes, but he doesn't mind at all. Other kids might be afraid to start all over and be behind in two out of 8 classes, but he is just fine with it. In fact because they only meet for four classes each day and Science switched days, he was two days ahead in that class. Gives him time to catch up in Spanish (though the Spanish he had in 4th and 5th grade is helping with that.)

They also started their after school programs this week. He joined the robotics club and since they have a competition December 3rd, he is eager to stay after school every Monday - Thursday.

So since he is now involved in all of the things he wanted to do at school, he considers Middle School to be perfect. He even gets to play saxophone in band which was his instrument of choice. Nevermind that we own two flutes, two trombones, and a French horn. It had to be saxophone.

Rainbow

2011-09-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend away, very relaxing, lots of movies, putting together a puzzle, not much sleep, but time to do my Jeremiah homework, and lots and lots of picture taking. I'll share more photos in the next few weeks (though mostly on my photography blog) but I thought this picture was perfect for scripture and a snapshot.

We were leaving the condo to go walk around town and take pictures (my friend also loves photography) when we saw a rainbow on the side of the road. It was hard to find a place to pull over that had space through the trees but when she did find a spot, we knew it was the perfect spot, even with a fence and power lines.

A rainbow and a cross...such a beautiful reminder of the promised savior that has come and redeemed us from our sins and will come again. So very comforting and encouraging (especially when one is studying Jeremiah)--a glorious gift from God.

Potter and Sunflower

2011-09-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

I am leaving in 45 minutes to spend the weekend away. I would be embarrassed to admit what I was leaving to do, but if I am to be me it would be silly to try to hide my taste in fiction. My friend and I are going away to stay at a condo and watch all the Harry Potter movies in one weekend. There was to be 3 of us--and still could be...just call Oak to get Julie's cell! My friend planned it all out and even created the weekend menu out of a Harry Potter cook book--including chocolate frogs.

But since I have a little time before I go, and I actually got most of my have tos done (enough that Oak will be quite pleased), I thought I would leave you a few photos for favorite photo Friday.

Do not ask me why she looks like a one year old dressed her. I promise her outfit was chosen by a three year old.

What you cannot see is the she is also wearing a denim skirt under the dress.

This is maybe my favorite photo of the week...or at least of Sunflower at that particular moment. She was tired after a long day of walking around our church's neighborhood handing out invitations to our upcoming Marriage Conference.

Have a great weekend! I plan to though I will miss my family!

The Arms of God

2011-09-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

Aah! It is 10:30 a.m. and I don't have any of the 3 really, really want to do today things done yet. You may be wondering why if I have 3 things to do I'm writing a blog post, but notice I didn't say I have 3 have to do things to do; one of the things on my want to do list is to write a blog post. I have actually done a few have to do things and had a few phone calls...3 4 in fact. But I haven't been able to get to my want to dos. Oh, and I just remembered another have to do.

Okay, this sounds like I feel entitled to have time for my want to dos. That isn't what I mean. I realize caring for my family and commitment to others comes before my "hobbies." It is just that God gave me such a big hug yesterday I want to share, but I'm not sure I have time to explain it clearly. It wasn't a physical or circumstantial blessing like finally getting our homestudy approved; it was a heart hug...and those are difficult to put into words.

Let us go back a little. About a month ago several things happened at once that really threw me for a loop...the main one I discussed on the blog being the need for me to have a psychological exam in order to get my homestudy approved. By Saturday I felt so oppressed with circumstances that I told God that while I believe I am on this earth to be pruned, He must not love me at all as I wasn't being pruned so much as thrown through the meat grinder. I also asked Him to give me something to sooth my aching heart and I almost immediately got an e-mail from on on-line friend that was clearly an answer to that prayer...but I was still aching.

Anyway, I spent the next few weeks praying and reading my Bible and crying and trying to find a psychologist to give me the required test. Even though it was taking a while to get an appointment part of me knew I was still feeling pretty tenderized and was thankful for the delay. When it was time to take the test I was feeling prepared. Not my strongest, but not raw either.

Then I spent four hours with the psychologist.

And I told him I did not feel worthless, that I don't struggle with my self-esteem, that I am not fragile or weak. I even told him that the test results didn't represent me at all unless I was completely delusional (which got self-deprecating put into the report...better than delusional, I guess.)

And I left feeling that if I wasn't delusional than I was lying because I was doubting everything about myself, felt worthless, and fragile...I don't remember ever feeling so fragile--like the next problem could break me--not even the weekend 8 years ago when the car broke for good, Oak's grandfather died, and I miscarried all within 48 hours. (At that time God sustained me in a way that is a story in it's own and that could have only come from my Heavenly Father.)

Anyway, I turned to prayer and reading my Bible...I knew healing could only come from Jesus...and whining to everyone I saw about my psychological test, ~~even random strangers~~. About a week and a half ago a few different friends said some things that hit the heart of the matter and reminded me of what I have said before--my identity comes from Christ. And the healing started.

Who am I am has not changed...flaws and all. Circumstances that bother me are not changed...no approved homestudy yet and no school for Huckleberry, etc. But I started clinging to the truth again and the lies that were agitating me started to fade away. The shredding in my heart started to heal and it became less and less tender until about a week ago, I discovered I didn't feel fragile anymore. I felt I could topple back in easily but I once again felt like I could say with confidence I do not have low self-esteem and I am not weak.

So that is the back story...and you can see why I thought this would take time! It is now 5:00 Thursday, I have 1 1/2 of my other want to do things done and several more have tos done plus a few more phone calls...including the one that says Huckleberry goes back to school tomorrow, yeah!

Anyway, this week I was feeling stronger again. I knew it was a gift from God and that I was once again resting in the assurance of His love and forgiveness. Taking pictures, peaceful family time, lunch with ladies planning the spring women's retreat, and the first week back at MOPS also played a part, but all of those were gifts from God. Then Wednesday was the start of my fall Bible study class and this semester we are studying Jeremiah. I was looking forward to class because I love the teacher, the people in the class, and hearing God's voice in the scriptures...though I was a little nervous about Jeremiah. It is not an easy read.

But God blew my socks off. We only looked at chapter 1, but so much of it spoke directly to me about this last month. It was one of those times again where the word of God poured onto my heart like molasses and sealed up the cracks.

Chapter 1 of Jeremiah is an intimate conversation between God and Jeremiah, but it felt like God was talking to me.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

Okay, I think it is a stretch to claim God has appointed me as a prophet to the nations, but He knew me, He consecrated me, He created me for a purpose. (You too, but my blog is about me.) One of the things a friend said that put me back on the right track was I had to be me (not excusing sin) and this verse says God knew who that me was going to be, even when I was just an itsy bitty tiny zygote. Doesn't that idea just feel like a healing stroke on your soul?

But wait there's more! The next thing isn't actually in Jeremiah but we looked at it in class.

"How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel fo the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season And it leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers." Pslams 1:1-3

We talked about being deeply rooted in the word, so deep that when the storms come we are not uprooted. But that is what I felt like, as if my tree had toppled in the storm and my roots were exposed, vulnerable to every type of attack and damage, but my tree did not die. My roots were deep and still attached to the soil. God stood my tree back up and reburied my roots, cutting away the damage, and soothing each hurt as He replanted me. My relationship with Jesus, my deep roots, and my seeking solace in the Bible is part of what made that possible, but it is also something He did because He loves me.

And He made a promise: I am planted by streams of water; I will yield fruit in my season; my leaves will not wither; and I will prosper in whatever I do. Do you claim that promise for yourself? With God as our gardener how can we not flourish? (And yes proper gardening does require pruning.)

I don't think I am conveying how soothing this was to my soul, how much I had started to doubt God's love for me, and how this word picture was necessary for me to bask in His love again. I do not mean to imply that I spent the last month feeling unloved or rejected by God...that would not be accurate. I said all the right things and clung to my beliefs. I cried out to God knowing He is the one who heals the brokenhearted and binds their wounds. But fragile, I felt oh so fragile.

And that brings us to the last hug from God on Wednesday. The truth is, I am fragile. I have been damaged by my own sin and the sin of others...ever since I was born. I am not strong. I cannot be strong on my own. I cannot live more like Christ on my own. I cannot deflect the arrows of life that seek to harm me...

But...

"Now behold, I have made you today as a fortified city and as a pillar of iron and as walls of bronze against the whole land, to the kings of Judah, to its princes, to its priests and to the people of the land. They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you."

God is who makes me strong. He has a plan for my life and will give me the strength I need to accomplish it. I don't have enemies that are trying to fight against me...at least not people...but the circumstances that stress me, the negative thoughts that threaten to overwhelm me, and the temptations I cannot withstand--they will fight against me, but they will not overcome me, for God is with me and will deliver me.

How can I not be confident?

Not the Mama

2011-09-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

I am working on a long post about a hug from God I got on Wednesday, but I don't have time to finish it right now. Too many have to dos. So I thought I'd share this short story about Sunflower.

She has a blanket that a good friend crocheted for her when she was born. She loves this blanket and sometimes when she falls over she is more comforted by her blanket than her Mommy.

Anyway, Saturday night she woke up crying. Oak went in but couldn't understand what was the matter. Then I went in and she calmed down. About 20 minutes later she started screaming, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" At this point we were so exhausted I scooped her up and put her in our bed where she went to sleep.

The next morning Oak took the boys to serve at first service, then Sunflower and I joined them for second service of church. On the way there, I asked Sunflower what had upset her so much.

"There was a big bear and it took my blanket."

"Oh, that is sad."

"Don't worry. My blankie is on the stairs; I remember!"

"Right, it was a dream and that is why you called for Daddy."

"Yeah. I didn't call for YOU!" I wish there was a way in writing to convey the tone of sheer disgust and outrage.

One More Kayak -- Sunday Snapshot

2011-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

On Labor Day, we took the kids to the lake so Oak could take them kayaking. I stayed ashore taking pictures and reading my book--Understanding Exposure by Bryan Peterson. Sounds a lot more relaxing than it was since they were only out on the water 1 hour of the 4 we were at the park~11-3 which my book calls poolside lighting because one might as well sit by the pool instead of try to get great photos in the harsh light. But I took photos anyway (too much of our life happens between 11-3 not to) and now you get to see them...some of them.

We have inflatable kayaks--great for storage, tedious for set-up.

I'm ready, Daddy!

On the way out.

Cannot miss his bright life jacket!

Finally all set!

On the way back! (I read while they were out of sight.)

Ambrosia, aaah!

Can we go swimming?

Not yet.

I don't know what these are.

My flip-flop is dirty! So I'll take it off and walk around barefoot!

Now you can go swimming.

Time to pack up.

I almost scolded someone else's child for going too far--oh, IKEA birthday vest, not my son!

Where is Daddy with the car? I'm tired! Maybe next year we'll have a third kayak and I'll go out on the water...or maybe not. Then I would have to paddle myself! Oak's kayak will fit two adults. Maybe we can leave the kids with someone and go out together someday. I would enjoy that though I would have trouble leaving my camera behind (and safe!)

Not the Post I Thought I was Writing

2011-09-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

How do people do the whole joy in all circumstances thing? I just don't know! Actually, that isn't quite true. I do not feel joyless. I actually feel fine. And my circumstances are not bad. But the way I have handled things that upset me (besides praying and reading the Bible which I do do, I promise) for the last 39 years is to make snarky jokes about it. Apparently to some, if not all, that is a form of negativity.

And really, I cannot disagree. It just has me twisted up in a ball trying to figure out how to cope. Now I don't expect to be ever described as a chipper, always positive person; but neither do I want to be classed as a negative person! Who would?

Now the desire to make jokes does not mean I would laugh at anyone's pain or break someone's confidentiality to crack a joke. Deep personal stuff, especially someone else's, is off limits. (Not to say I've never crossed that line, but if you do see that please do smack me back in place.)

No, the problem is the little irritating things that become a lot less irritating if I can just laugh about it.

Like the fact that when we went to Old Navy to buy khaki pants for Huckleberry while they were on sale for $10 they didn't have any in his size, but now that the pants are $14.50 there are plenty. I didn't even think to get a raincheck when the sales girl informed me we just can't keep them on the shelves--that would be because everyone else sells them for $20.

But really, it doesn't matter. He doesn't need a school uniform. There has been no school all week and who knows when they will go back! The teachers went on strike Tuesday and no agreement has yet been made. A court judge ruled the strike illegal, but the superintendent has closed schools due to lack of staffing. I don't really understand how it all works, and since the district is requesting a pay cut, I totally understand why the teachers are not happy. But I do wish Huckleberry was in school.

Well, not really. It is handy to have him home to do chores and play with Sunflower. But if he stays out much longer I'll have to start homeschooling him. Reading would be easy; we've gone to library twice this week, but science and social studies?

Honestly, the thing that bothers me the most about it is I was waiting to do my blog obligatory first day of school post until I knew how Middle School was going, and I still don't know! He did not get the electives he requested. In fact, based on the fact that if you ranked the elective choices from 1-20 with 1 being most wanted and he got number 18, 19, and 20, I think it is possible they lost his request.

Now Huckleberry every day the first week said: They told me what to do to change classes. I put in the request for class changes. I talked to the band teacher who said he would make sure I got in his class. I'll find out tomorrow. We resisted the almost overwhelming urge to call the school and Make It Happen! Tuesday Huckleberry was going to go talk to the counselors one last time, and if he didn't have answers, he agreed we could go in ourselves.

But in order to avoid talking to us, the teachers went on strike. Don't worry, we won't insist they change his classes if they are full, but the band teacher already said he could take him and he has to get out of boys choir--his ability to carry a tune is severely lacking. We are also hoping he can get into Spanish instead of General Studies (which is apparently a class to read), but he is going to remain in Music Technology. He is surprised, but he think it might be fun.

So far in his core classes he has played a lot of name games and written papers (including math), but it had only been 5 days, so I have no way to evaluate how it is going. That's okay. Oak promised Huckleberry that if he didn't start having homework soon we would find an on-line math curriculum and put him through it.

Okay, so I wasn't really funny, but I do feel better having vented it. On to the next topic bugging me. Just kidding; I'll save that for another post. But really, I am honestly confused and struggling with this concept. Talking about Huckleberry's school did not accomplish anything. Our circumstances have not changed and our plan of action isn't any different, but it was helpful to write it all out, get it out of swirling around in my head and onto my blog. I don't feel the need to tell the next random people I talk to about Huckleberry's electives and the school strike (though I will commiserate with other district moms, especially if they choose to make up lost days on Saturdays.)

Is this negativity or just being authentic about what is happening in my life? I really don't know the answer. Certainly it sounds less negative if I finish up with a paragraph about how it isn't the end of the world if Huckleberry reads for a semester and starts Spanish next semester. Huckleberry is certainly learning a lot of life navigation skills at school, a very good thing. Ultimately God is in control, and I trust Him. But sometimes that feels so obvious I don't see it as necessary to say. But really maybe that is what makes all the difference.

Motivation

2011-09-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

I have figured out what will get me to fold and put away laundry, vacuum, and clean bathrooms~even on a day when I just want to snuggle on the couch with Sunflower watching Blue's Clues.

Get an e-mail from your social worker that she needs to stop by in 4 hours in order to fulfill one last requirement on your homestudy.

Another day/time would do, but it would only mean more delays. So today it is.

We are making progress. The China Team at the head office still needs to approve our final homestudy, including my psychological testing, but progress is being made. She didn't read my results and throw us out of the program, so now it is just in the details. Details we can handle.

But in the meantime, back to cleaning. It is now only 3 hours until she gets here. I'm thinking Oak now has the perfect way to guarantee he comes home to a clean house~e-mail a fabricated appointment with our social worker. (Any company would probably work and would be a lot more fun!)

My Report of My Report

2011-09-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

Well, in the interest of being positive, it is done. The psychologist was very nice. We made it home safely after getting turned around 2 or 3 times. God is in control.

The creator of all things living and beautiful is in control.

He loves me. (We were finally able to stop talking about my potential lack of self esteem when I said, "look, I get my worth from God, and He died for me. I do not feel worthless! If anything I struggle with pride, perfection, and arrogance."--in fairness to the psychologist it was the computer generated algorithm that decided I was lacking in esteem.)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Because I am afraid my husband or children will die, I apparently have abandonment issues. Since that is very common in adopted children, I now have a leg up on understanding my future child. But I do trust God. I KNOW He will never abandon me.

Life may be hard and even ugly at times, but I always have a friend in Jesus. He makes all things beautiful in His time. All things.

Even my broken and ugly soul (this might be why the computer thinks I have self esteem issues) who is afraid of making friends for fear of rejection and keeps her innermost thoughts and feelings secret (Are we SURE I took this test?) God makes beautiful. He did leave in "hard for me to make friends", "leery (and suspicious) of new people and situations", and "socially awkward." I accept that about myself.

It was an exhausting and emotionally challenging time. The end report ended up sounding better than I thought it could given the things we discussed. And at times I felt like asking to take the test again as it was clearly inaccurate on a lot of issues. (Unless I am passive, submissive, and malleable to other's desires and opinions, unwilling to take on leadership roles?) Not that we didn't end up discussing real issues because IF we are going to write a 6 page letter listing my faults, let us list my actual faults. Oops, that is my resentment of this whole psychological testing coming out. God can help me let that go, and He will. Because He helps those who call out to Him.

"I will cry unto God Most High, Unto God that performeth all things for me." Psalm 57:2. That is a promise.

Next step send the report and letter to our agency to see if it is sufficient or if they need more. It may entail another trip to his office for any revisions, but maybe not. In the meantime, I just need to continue living the life that I have--one in which I am really very happy if a bit anxious about wanting a fourth child--and enjoying the family and friends whom I do have and love. But I should probably start with a good night's sleep.

Wednesday

2011-09-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

I am really trying to be a more positive person, but I do find it a little difficult to be positive when I am stressed. Focusing on the negatives just makes it so easy to justify being stressed as opposed to turning to God and embracing the peace He offers me even in the midst of chaos.

So even though (it is true) I am a bit stressed about having a psych evaluation done, there are a lot of positives in which to rejoice.

First, I finally have an appointment, and while I didn't get the appointment until today, it is for tomorrow. It is with a psychologist who regularly writes these type of reports for pilots or anyone else that needs psych evals of this type, so he is experienced, knows what he needs to do, and expects to be able to write the letter fairly quickly. (His cost is also half the cost of the first two estimates we received--not because of lack of experience but because the others rarely do this so they weren't sure how long they would need to write it up.)

One of his children is also adopted, so he knows the stress of the adoption process and can take that into account with my answers. He was very reassuring to Oak on the phone.

His office is a little less than an hour away. That is kind of far, but some of the people we were able to talk to were 2 or 3 hours away. Also, my husband's job is flexible so he is able to take the time off and come with me. That is really terrific because then I am not driving in the city alone or driving home after being put through an emotional wringer (I do expect to have to talk about some very personal and emotional things.)

Once this is done we are one step closer to having our paperwork complete, never to need to be redone (for this adoption.)

Another huge plus is that even though we only made the appointment today, a good friend is able to pick up the boys from their respective schools at 2:00 and 2:40 tomorrow which is a huge blessing. She has her own child to pick up at 3:30 so her afternoon became a day of taxi driving. Her willingness is very much appreciated.

In addition, I have many other friends who would/have helped us by watching our kids during this process. Sometimes it is easy to believe the lies of Satan (not a phrase I use frequently or lightly) that one is alone, friendless. It is good to be reminded that in addition to God--a powerful, forgiving, compassionate God--He has given us friends and family to help us navigate this life.

Philippians 4:4-9~

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Harder to do than to say, but it really is the more excellent way.

(Prayers~that the day and the test will go smoothly, that truth and honesty prevail, no matter how difficult, that hopefully that doesn't mean he feels he cannot recommend me, and that I will feel God's peace and comfort~will not be rejected.)

I Remember

2011-09-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

I remember a few of the funny things Sunflower did that has made us laugh in the last month.

First, when we went hiking at Mt. Rainier recently, she kept picking up little handfuls of gravel from the path and saying it was for making her baby a bed. We made her put it back, but shortly later she would have another little handful for "her baby's bed." Sometimes she wanted us to carry the rocks for her. Finally we asked, "why do you want to make your baby a bed from rocks?"

"Daddy said it was bedrock!" (She was very serious about this.)

Secondly, I'm not sure how this came about, but the boys convinced her that they feel better if she does a silly monkey dance, so now if anyone in the house is upset, Sunflower starts scratching her armpits, jumping up and down, and saying "eeeh, eeeh, oooh, oooh."

Silly Sunflower! It sure does work! You can always make us smile.

The Rumors Have It

2011-08-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears that in China's last batch of referrals they progressed 2 days in the line. We were #34 in line, now we (and all others with our LID) are #32 in line. They were doing more like 6 days at time, so the last two 2 day batches are disappointing.

Yet, if China can be believed, it is because there are so few babies available for adoption--fewer babies separated from their original families due to a desire for a boy, government intervention, or lack of finances/family support. That is a good thing.

Our pain at waiting is nothing compared to the pain of a child whose right to be raised in her birth country with her original family has been taken away through no fault of her own. It doesn't make me cry less, but I do hope it will help me be more compassionate towards her.

If There Were No Heaven

2011-08-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger is having a linky connection on the question:

If there were no Heaven or Hell, would you still be a Christian?

I found it a very intriguing question and decided I wanted to answer it. Here are the parameters she's given us.

Answer the question:

If there were no Heaven or Hell would you still be a Christian in 350 words or less. Your answer should begin with one of the four choices below.

I absolutely would still be a Christian....
I think I would still be a Christian....
I'm not so sure....
I definitely would not still be a Christian....

At first I found it difficult. If there were no Heaven or Hell would there still be Jesus? Then I decided that I needed to add one last parameter~everything else is the same. Then it becomes easy.

I absolutely would still be a Christian. Yes, the hope of the Resurrection and life everlasting are important components in my Christian faith, but they are not WHY I am a Christian. I am a Christian because I love Jesus. Having a relationship with Him impacts my life in tons of positive ways, but given the 350 word limit, I'll just stick to the Hope He gives me.

If you take away the Hope of Salvation and Heaven, there is still so much more. And on a day to day basis, I'm not usually thinking about eternity, I'm thinking about now. And right now, Jesus gives me hope...

that my life has purpose and He is directing it (Jeremiah 29:11)
that what is broken can be restored (Psalm 23:3)
that hurts can be healed (Psalm 147:3)
that sin can/has been forgiven (1 John 1:9)
that I can change (2 Corinthians 5:17)
that the Holy Spirit will help me be more like Christ (John 14:26)
that I am never alone (Joshua 1:9)

Without Hope where would I be?

A little bit richer (if I wasn't a Christian money and things would so be my God) and a lot more miserable.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Check out Amber's blog for more answers or to add your own response.

1 year and 2 days!

2011-08-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it! I missed another anniversary. This does not bode well for celebrating family day or other important milestones*.

1 year (and two days) ago I started my blog. I started it mainly so I had a place to keep track of the blogs I was reading. It was another week or so before I told anyone and further after that that I made it public.

If I measure my blog in terms of followers and comments, then this blog is not very successful. My photo blog has 5 times as many followers and a world more comments and it has been around a lot less time.

If I measure my blog in terms of the emotions it has helped me process, my own growth, understanding of life and God, my enjoyment, and the few good connections I've made, then I consider this a wild success.

May I have many more years of success!

* If I miss our wedding anniversary by a day, no worries. That just makes it Oak's birthday! We got married one day before his 24th birthday.

The Many Faces of Huckleberry

2011-08-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

My baby boy starts middle school in two weeks.

Too soon if you ask me.

Tonight is his middle school orientation. He is not nervous at all.

And why should he be?

He is sweet.

He is smart.

He is funny.

He is cheerful.

Now you see why all the shots are close-ups.

He is looking forward to this new adventure.

He already found two kids in our church that will be attending the new school.

He made friends at his summer camp~though he doesn't remember their names.

So why am I worried? Maybe not exactly worried. More sad. Because my baby boy is growing up.

And he is growing up into a fantastic young man, even if he does say "isn't that enough pictures?" fairly often.

Argh!

2011-08-23T19:58:00.000-07:00

I need to vent a little (adoption agency related). Today I got home from a pleasant day with my friend (it could have been better if we didn't have 7 kids between us, but...) to have my husband say, "Let's go sit in the other room." Now this is not an unusual request but it sounded more serious than usual.

Anyway, the short of it is that the head office of our agency decided that I (not Oak, just I) have to have a psych evaluation in order for them to sign off on my homestudy.

Argh! That will delay our paperwork being done for 4-6 weeks, possibly longer. And...

What if I don't pass?

Crazy people never think they are crazy. My husband thinks it is impossible that I won't pass, so that is reassuring, but...

So, I'll probably pass. But it is annoying, time consuming, and let us not talk about the additional cost.

Most frustrating is that they decided this not because of knowing me or seeing anything to concern them but because of my childhood history. History that is long gone and passed, but more importantly history that I shared with them 5 years ago. Yes, it is a new requirement (in the last year) but if they were going to force an eval regardless of her interviews with us, our SW should have been told that "these check points" will force an eval. That would have meant, at minimum, that when we gave her our self study guide 3 months ago she could have told us to start the psych evaluation process.

Her response to this frustration? These little glitches become bigger problems when you cut too close to the wire.

So tomorrow, I guess I'll be calling psychologists. My agency, as of yet, didn't know of anyone that does the test in our area, but I did call my teacher for my Biblical counseling course and she gave me a name to call.

Our Weekend Away -- 4 weeks ago - Sunday Snapshot

2011-08-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned that we were going away for my birthday and on my photography blog I talked about my presents, but I never actually did a post on our vacation. Now that would be fine if this was a serious adoption blog, but it is a serious lack for a family memoir blog. I cannot seem to feel serious (or think deeply) about anything right now, so a mamarazzi post it is.

After a few hours of swimming, we went to dinner.

It was a fun restaurant where the kids got prizes from the treasure chest and a sundae for dessert.

After dinner we didn't have much time to catch the sunset, but we walked along the river to see the pretty view.

It took awhile for everyone to settle in for the night, but in the morning we met our friends at the science museum.

The children love the water table where you create your own islands and flood zones. (It is not our favorite spot since both times we've been there the water has not been good for Sunflower's potty training.)

After our friends left to give their kids naps, we found a whole area we didn't know existed from our first visit.

So much to explore! Good thing we bought an annual pass and our brother-in-law can host us most trips down.

Then we went out to see our friends' new house and to visit a park with them. The play toys were in the hot sun (it was like 86 degrees that weekend!) so we went on the shaded nature trail for a walk.

That is after some fun bubble time!

Then dinner and more swimming. In the morning, more swimming~it is nice to be at a hotel with a pool. Then while Oak and Huckleberry loaded the car, I tried to get some cute shots of SnapDragon and Sunflower.

Smile, brother! Smile! Then a trip to the bookstore and another visit to the science museum to explore that area we had missed.

Eventually Oak took SnapDragon and Sunflower to the young children play area and Huckleberry and I explored together.

He started learning how to write programming for robots in his day camp this summer and will continue as one of his electives in 6th grade in a few weeks.

He traveled to outer space and then I left him in an area so I could take pictures of repeating patterns.

Don't worry. I was very clear on his boundaries and as it is he never left the water and boat table the whole time I was gone.

Finally we went to find the rest of our family~though there was more to see.

Then the end of our mini-vacation as we headed home. Traffic was not great, but aside from that it was a fantastic trip.

We already have our next trip South planned, but this time we'll stay with family~seeing family will be an added blessing (aside from saving us lots of money.)

Nothing ~ Literally

2011-08-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the week, I had 5 funny things my kids had said to share. Now I have, ummm, 1. I just don't remember the others. That one funny thing isn't really a main event; it isn't even a good opening act. But by the time I accumulate 4 more funny things to add to it, I will have lost the original one. My kids have just not been in a funny mood lately, more a screaming and emotional kind of mood. I know it is wrong, but I am looking forward to school starting. School makes my children happy.

So anyway, the other day I was talking to Oak and I said "I am very literal*" (which is completely true.)

Sunflower piped up, "You not little girl~you big girl, no big mama. You a big mama!"

Now you know why I don't turn my camera on myself more often. Time to find a way to get to the Y more often.

*In case you don't understand, Sunflower thought I said little girl when I said literal~because that is exactly how she pronounces little girl.

5 Years..and a day!

2011-08-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

This last weekend was fabulous~busy, but great! We spent Saturday driving around Mt. Rainier, Sunday at church, together at home, making family plans and rearranging furniture, ending with me at a potluck as part of our church's upcoming marriage conference planning committee (and I only went home with one to do item.) All that to say, I'm spending a lot of time on my other blog posting pictures and more pictures, and neglecting my home here. Which is fine since most of my 4 readers read both places, but it means I missed our LID-versary!

Can you believe it? Ummm, I guess I should tell you what a LID-versary is. 5 years ago-yesterday-China received our dossier and stamped it with a date 8/15/2006~our LID (log-in date). Astounding I know. 5 years. I've been saying we have been waiting 5 years for a while actually since we started the process 9 months before our LID, but those 9 months were spent paperchasing. Then we just started waiting and waiting and waiting...

Now we are paperchasing again so we are busy again, but the waiting doesn't really change on China's side. They have our dossier and when they start making matches for families with our LID, they will send us a referral. Then we send a "referral acceptance." Then we wait some more. Then finally, if all our ducks are in a row (ie our homestudy and i-800 approval) we will travel to pick up our future child.

No one told us this process might be 6-7 years all told; even the most pessimistic weren't predicting that long (no matter what they say about it now). Yet, the only time it really bothers me is when I think it might never happen or is not supposed to happen~then I freak out. Those times have helped me to cling to God and I expect in the next year I will have more of those times, but today (well, yesterday) is my LIDVERSARY! Yeah Us! It is the first one I've celebrated because I didn't know it was something people celebrated until I started reading blogs. You really can learn so much on-line.

At this point there are only 34 other LID's that can say they celebrated their 5th Lidversary with China. That makes us the elite of the elite; certainly something to be proud of...maybe not. Well, anyhooo, Happy LID-versary to our family! May it be the last one!

So Random

2011-08-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

Not much happening here; unless you are interested to know that I finished reading all 11 books of the 39 Clues series. They are juvenile fiction so they were quick reads, but still quite enjoyable. One of our favorite children's series. The kids--quite plausibly and realistically with one airy nanny--travel all over the world learning lots about historical figures like Ben Franklin and Mozart.

Somehow we (my husband and I) have also committed to teach Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class at our church starting in September. It looks like some great information that can bring peace and hope to struggling families. I am worried about what it might challenge us to do~I really don't want to give up my netflix (even if its cost is almost doubling!)

This week and next Huckleberry is attending a day camp at the school he will be going to in September. He is really enjoying his time building robots and learning Lego Robotic Programming~who knew there was computer languages just for programming Lego Robots? Well, my husband did, but not me! Every day it makes him more and more excited about starting school in September, so I'm glad he is going. He also says he now has "all the paths memorized" that he will need to get around school in the fall. Whew! That is a relief!

SnapDragon has decided he wants to learn about photography. We find he is more content when he spends time in a creative outlet, so it seems like a good idea to teach him. Today was our first lesson. He took pictures with our old camera and then we talked about why some of them worked and why some of them didn't. I remember when we bought our old camera and several people mentioned how much they love it. A few people loved it as their back-up camera and recommended it "as a camera they can let their children use since they cannot touch their expensive stuff." We laughed pretty hard because for us this camera was our "expensive stuff!" 6 years really does devalue electronics!

Sunflower is 3. There is no need to say more. People talk about the terrible twos, but my kids seem to have the terror threes. She is three in earnest.

The Zoo--Sunday Snapshot

2011-08-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

Friday we went to the zoo with a friend. It was a little spontaneous for me; she only mentioned the idea Thursday afternoon. But it is summer and I do love the zoo, especially with our annual pass and my zoom lens (what is the best zoo in Colorado?). So here is only a portion of the pictures I took. Thanks, friend, for corralling the kids when I fell behind. The zoo has some beautiful flowers.

Watching the Sea Otters

AntEater ~ 16 inch long tongue

Huckleberry; we have GOT to go school shopping!

Road Runner? Maybe...

Sunflower

Arctic Foxes aren't as pretty with their brown summer coats

SnapDragon ~ Running down the hill; almost right into me.

Puffin ~ Not a penguin ~ they don't look that alike to me.

Ready to Go Home

Sunflower's Birthday

2011-08-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

I am knee deep in pictures from our two mini-vacations, behind on my homework for the 2 week on-line photography class I am taking, and I'm supposed to bring snacks to Bible study tomorrow, but I decided to share a few pictures from Sunflower's three birthday parties--yeah, you heard me right--three. She is 3 so she had three parties. No, it is much less pretentious than that.

Since we were camping in the mountains with a good portion of Sunflower's relatives, we decided to celebrate with them there. A few presents, a cake, some candles and voila~instant party.

Then Monday, on her actual birthday, we decorated cupcakes, sang Happy Birthday, and let her open her present from Captain Awesome.

This is Sunflower holding her hands up to let everyone know she is 3! (Do you know if you capitalize 3 for emphasis it becomes the # sign?)

She is very happy with her present from Captain Awesome and has worn it around the house ever since.

SnapDragon is almost as excited about the present as Sunflower... possibly more, though he is not allowed to wear it as it is too small for him.

The cupcakes were to take to the park to share with her friends so they also could sing happy birthday to her and so she could blow out candles one last time.

At three, Sunflower is convinced birthdays are about blowing out candles and singing "Happy Cake!" so I believe we celebrated her birthday in style. And she is very, very proud to be three! She didn't mind the presents either! She even shared her new cell phone with me when I wanted to borrow someone's phone to make a call. Such a sweet ~~baby~~ big girl!

Standing on the Promises of God

2011-07-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

We survived our homestudy visits, and survived is exactly how I feel about it. Because while I joked about it Saturday, the reality is that you will not be denied permission to adopt based on a few spots on your floor, now if your dust bunnies eat children maybe, but really what they are trying to evaluate is who you are and whether you can "handle" another child. And that means you answer question after question about the most intimate details of your life and heart. As much as I like to talk about myself, it is exhausting. You are always feeling like something will come up that means they'll say no (and I'll admit my family history does not look good on paper.)

I really didn't mind while I was talking, but I arrived home Monday night a bundle of anxiety that she would deny us or less problematic but more annoying, insist that we have a professional psych evaluation--which would cost us in money and time. But one of the questions she asked was how you handle stress--and while trying to imply without lying that I never actually feel stress I answered: I drink a coke, I eat, I remove myself from the situation, I pray, read my Bible, call Oak or a friend.

So Monday night I was stressed. I'd removed myself from her questions, I'd talked to Oak and a friend, I had eaten dinner including the high calorie coke, but I was still just so stressed and tense. Oops, I had forgotten the most productive steps--praying and reading my Bible. I was stressing about our adoption being approved because I was assuming it was in the hands of our caseworker, agency, and the US government. I'd forgotten whose hands it is in--God.

It wasn't until I was lying awake long past bedtime that I remembered who can bring me peace. I turned to my Savior and sought His solace. I meditated on His word. I could feel His peace transform my bundle of anxiety to rest.

God's word offers us many words of promise and encouragement, but the two verses I kept repeating in my mind over and over as He enveloped me in His comfort were:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:4 Really mostly just the Trust in the Lord part and it was almost as if He was whispering it to me, "Trust in your Lord, for I am the Lord your God." (which is not an exact verse anywhere.)

And

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

So I went to sleep with thanksgiving on my lips and peace on my heart and Tuesday was a much different day. The morning cleaning was work, but not frantic, and I even cracked a few jokes during the interview--like we leave the teaching of morals to our children to Awana and Sunday School--okay, bad jokes, but still I wanted to write this post because there will be many more times in my life (like today as we get ready to go camping) where I will need to remember :

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the LORD forever, For in GOD the LORD,we have an everlasting Rock." Isaiah 26:3-4

So Happy to Be Here

2011-07-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Yeah! We are on our mini-vacation* before our vacation. Yesterday was spent swimming at the pool, taking lots of pictures, and dinner along the Columbia River. Today is the science museum, possibly more swimming, and Oak talking the state of the union with an old friend while I talk to his wife about anything but and the children play--hopefully happily. Tomorrow more swimming and a giant bookstore.

We are having a fantastic time on our pre-vacation. It has nothing to do with the free wi-fi actually being free so I can check my blogs and facebook (no e-mail because I never remember my password) or that we were able to get a suite so Oak and I can have the lights on after 9. It is just nice to be together as a family and not worry about the things we need to get done at home...which is a lot.

We timed this vacation to celebrate my birthday since on my actual birthday Thursday and the 3 days following we will be camping with Oak's family. For the most part I enjoy his family, but camping not so much. This time I cannot decide if it is the lack of internet or hot water I'll miss the most. Hot water. Definitely hot water. I actually believe (intellectually not emotionally) that going unplugged for a few days will be a good thing.

Unfortunately, or fortunately because we do need to get this done, we are squeezing two visits with our homestudy case worker into the 3 days we are home between trips. I don't know what I was thinking! Monday we spend the day an hour north for our interviews and then Tuesday she comes to our house. I do not know when I will be able to shampoo the carpets, dust under the beds, and wash the windows. She can deny us the opportunity to adopt based on the size of our dust bunnies. She can! Oak will not believe me. He is also denying the lack of bark-a-mulch on our freshly weeded flower beds or the uncut lawn could impact her decision.

Oh well! Nothing I can do about it from here! I'm going to go appreciate the hot water before we head off to our free hot breakfast. I feel so very blessed.

* I try to avoid saying we are away from home on the blog until we are back, but everyone knows we have a giant mean dog that our cautious local family is checking on 10 times a day. Also, I realized any thief bright enough to trace our ip back to our home computer won't want anything we own. The most valuable thing we have is my camera...and THAT is with us. Ummm, our VCR might be worth something. I think it is the last one on the planet that still has tuner inputs. If you do break in, do you mind shampooing the carpets for us? Also, please avoid burning it down. My husband's home burned down when he was a teen, and my childhood home burned when I was in my twentiess (after I met my husband). I believe we will have trouble convincing our insurance of the pure coincidental happenstance if our home burns down.

Just Read Galatians

2011-07-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met someone that said, "I don't want to be a Christian; the Bible is just a whole list of don'ts." What has been your answer? I'm pretty sure I've answered with the platitude "Christianity isn't about don'ts, it's about dos."

And in some ways it is about dos:

Do Love God with your whole heart, soul, strength, and mind. Mark 12:30
Do Love your neighbor as yourself. Luke 10:27
Do Believe and be saved. Romans 10:9
Do Repent so your sins may be forgiven. Acts 3:19

But somehow we (or at least I) have always been able to link it back to a don't--that don't thing in your life of which you need to repent. In some ways this is the same idea I learned a few months ago about shifting the emphasis of the Gospel message from our sin and need for a savior to the hope available in Jesus, but God keeps showing it to me over and over so here I am talking about it again.

If I see this verse out of context:

My immediate assumption is that there is some sin the Galatians are struggling with preventing them doing what is right--Loving God, loving their neighbor, or believing. Some don't they should stop doing. Do you know the sin they were supposed to stop?

The sin of legalism--relying on law for salvation as opposed to faith.

Some people in the church in Galatia had decided that the non-Jew Christians needed to be circumcised in order to be saved. The people were believing it and it was starting to cause division in the church, and Paul, he was mad!

Galatians 1:6-9 "I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; which is really not another; only there are some who aredisturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed."

Paul spends most of Galatians explaining why...nevermind, there is lots of points in Galatians, and I was really only trying to share what I learned from Galatians 5:7.

Do you know why Paul was so mad? Yes, they were turning away from his teaching and the teaching of the gospel, but more exactly they were turning away from their salvation coming from faith in Christ and turning to salvation in the law. The law.

Why is that a problem? Because it cannot save us. Christ died and rose again so we can be free from the bonds of sin. Why subject ourselves to a yoke that God does not intend for us?

Galatians 5:1 "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

Do you see what I see? Paul wasn't mad at them for a don't. Neither was he mad about a do. He was mad that they were giving up their freedom to be perfected by the flesh.

Galatians 3:1-3: "You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"

It is good for me to learn and remember that God loves EVERYONE while they are yet sinners and to wait on the Holy Spirit to bring them conviction on the don'ts while I extend them God's grace, love, and mercy.

It is harder to let go of some of the dos at times. Clearly it cannot be about salvation "for by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8. But still it is hard not to have that list:

All Christians...fill in the blank.

But surely we are to turn away from sin and do SOMETHING! Well, yeah. But again, so silly, but it is about the emphasis. Why are we turning from the don'ts and doing the dos? What truth are the Galatians, and us, supposed to be obeying?

Paul tells us in the two verses preceding Galatians 5:7--
"For we through the Spirit, by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love."

Faith working through love. Isn't that just a beautiful phrase? We strive to be more like Christ, to love God with our whole heart, soul, strength and mind, to love our neighbor because of love. A lot comes down to love, doesn't it?

But how? We aren't always very loving, are we? Or at least I'm not. I'm selfish and needy and lazy and...enough confession for today. Paul even answers that in Galatians.

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh...But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." Galatians 5:16, 22-25.

Aw. Just read Galatians--all the way through in one sitting. It isn't very long and God's word can penetrate so much clearly more than my muddled ramblings. All I wanted to do was put my Scripture and a Snapshot Photo into context. You just cannot fit all the text of Galatians on one photo, well, and not have it be pretty :)

I Love My Daughter

2011-07-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

Friday I played house with Sunflower. It is her favorite thing to do right now and if the boys will play with her I don't see them for hours at a time (though the upstairs becomes a disaster). But on Friday Huckleberry was still at church camp and SnapDragon wanted to "be by himself" so I played house. I do play with Sunflower but too often it is in multi-tasking mode; not Friday.

I got my hair combed with pretty clips by my "mama." I discovered why playing house seems to result in the shoes in my closet becoming completely rearranged. I ate the marshmallows Sunflower cooked us for lunch. And finally I got to lie down and rest.

For 3 seconds.

Then "Cock-a-doodle-doo! Wake up, baby!"

"Umm, Sunflower, real babies will sleep for hours."

"But Mama! You not a real baby, you just pretend! Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

So I woke up and ending up driving the toddler bed to Texas to visit Captain Awesome. (Don't ask why the baby did the driving and not the Mama. "Silly Mama! I can't drive! I'm only two!")

My silly, fun, creative, sweet and beautiful, not a baby anymore, girl!

Picture Perfect -- Summer

2011-07-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like this blog is woefully neglected lately while my photography blog is getting a post a day; so unfair! But I just have not been having any deep thoughts. Aside from scheduling a sitter so we can meet with our Social Worker so she can write our homestudy so we can...all I have been doing is taking pictures, doing things with the kids so I have something to take pictures of, editing pictures, and making myself limit my children's screen time to the agreed upon summer limits. It has been hard to be diligent because with all the rain "turn off the TV" results in a lot of mess and noise--but I say it--I do. It just means I have no space in my head for deep thoughts.

So that means you get a gratuitous picture of my son. Nancy over at Ordinary Miracles and the Crazy Eight is having her monthly Picture Perfect Contest.

The theme is summer. I wasn't sure I could participate this time because with all the rain I might get a shot at summer in August. But then I remembered some shots from the 4th of July--the nicest one we've had in a long time (the irony in that does not escape me).

Out of the different pictures taken at the lake that day, I chose this one because summer is: the light, the swimming, the wet children, and the exhaustion. He took a moment to rest, ate a plum, and went back to swimming. He also looks so grown up in this shot (for an 11 year old) and to me, this year, summer means that last days of my baby boy. Next year he is in middle school and before I'll know it (but hopefully not before completing an adoption from China) college.

My Monday Morning

2011-07-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

I did it! I sent off all of our new paperwork to our SW so we can now schedule our homestudy visits.

I called the mom of SnapDragon's best friend from school and arranged a play date for Thursday. He cannot wait to see her.

I called Huckleberry's school and then filled out his enrollment packet. Then I took the two youngest to Huckleberry's school to turn it all in and pick up the forms for camp enrollment and elective choices.

I folded the clothes and put some of them away.

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher.

Caught up on blogs and comments and watched an episode of Psych.

Also I got 3 1/2 hours of weeding done and it isn't yet 3:00p.m.

Overall a very efficient and stress relieving morning. Sending off the adoption paperwork and making the phone calls lifted a huge weight from my shoulders, or more accurately untwisted the knot in my stomach. It has been almost a year since we told our agency we were ready to renew our homestudy which was a little early, but now we are starting to cut it a little close assuming China's pace stays similar (which is a huge assumption).

SnapDragon has been begging for weeks to go see his little friend from school. She is a sweet girl from a nice family, and he just adores spending time with her and sharing stories and active imaginations. But arranging elementary age play dates is really uncomfortable for me. I've been dreading making the call. We've met her parents several times, but do we meet at the park, can she come here, do we have to have the whole family over, can we just let him play at her house? Thankfully Mrs. Best Friend Mom suggested SnapDragon come over to play and have lunch Thursday. I quickly accepted the easiest solution for me--the only work involved being driving him to and fro--feeling quite comfortable in the ability of two teachers to keep him safe.

I am also glad to have confirmation from Huckleberry's school that he has a spot and will be in the system soon.

Okay, so maybe I ate a fresh pretzel off the floor because it was easier than taking it to the trash. Maybe Oak took the paperwork to the post office and Sunflower put away some of the laundry (scarily well for a not yet 3 year old on her own prompting). Maybe my friend's daughter did the weeding in order to earn money for her trip to Uganda with Samaritan's Purse, but I did do all the other stuff. Surely someone has said that delegation is the ultimate form of efficiency.

Fireworks -- Sunday Snapshot

2011-07-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

We had a great Fourth of July weekend--the park, a birthday party, dinner with my Dad, a trip to the Falls, the Zoo, and the 4th itself at a friend's house on a lake.
I am still sorting through all of the pictures I took. But while I might later share the pictures from the Falls, the zoo, or the Antique Tractor Pull from the weekend before, fireworks might seem a little dated if I wait too long to share them.

And I do want to share them. They aren't perfect, but we had a good time watching them and it was a blast to take pictures--though my camera still smells a little smokey.

The hard part is narrowing it down--so this blog gets 8, my facebook got 5, and my photo blog has another 8.

This doesn't include all the truly funky ones created by camera shake or me holding the button down a little too long that I still kept because laser lights in the sky is just really cool.

Kind of like this one, but even funkier with even more squiggly lines and colors. Maybe by next year I'll have a tri-pod.

I'll admit it. The boys favorite part was swimming in the lake, but I didn't take many pictures of that.

Nor did I take any pictures of Huckleberry riding the jet ski or Sunflower swinging on the swing set. I did take pictures of Sunflower playing with her friend and feeding her friend's cousin play food, but I'll stick to photos of fireworks today.

Truly a blessed Fourth of July weekend. I pray yours was also blessed and safe.

Thank you to those in the military service and your families for the sacrifices you make in order to keep my country free. Thank you for those who work at home to keep my family safe.

Ephesians 2:1-10

2011-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

For the summer Bible study I am taking we are supposed to write down this week's passage--Ephesians 2:1-10--put it somewhere we are frequently and read it 3 times, 3 times a day. It would be embarrassing to admit I am at the computer frequently if it wasn't already obvious.

"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

We are supposed to read it 9 nine times a day and allow it to seep into our soul so that we live as if we actually believe the promises God has given us. "We are His workmanship." "But because of His great love with which He loved us." "For by grace we have been saved through faith."

How blessed I am to have access to God's word on a daily basis to study and experience His great love for me. Why do I waste that great blessing?

Lucky Girl -- a book response

2011-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

I'll admit I've been taking a break from adoption books and letting myself read fiction again, nothing worth sharing. However, I did recently finish "Lucky Girl - memoir" by Mei-Ling Hopgood. Mei-Ling was adopted as an infant from Taiwan into the United States by a couple near Chicago. The book tells of her relatively easy search for her birth family and her communications and visits to reunite with them.

In some ways, I enjoyed the book very much. She was trained as a journalist so most of the story is relayed as it happens without much emotional editorial. It is nice to see the perspective of an adult adoptee from Asia. Her first interactions with her family and subsequent visits are portrayed very clearly making you feel like you are amongst the chaos and enthusiasm yourself. As you discover more about the family dynamics and the whys of the adoption (including the fact that another daughter has been adopted out), you feel drawn into the mystery and drama.

In other ways, I found it disappointing. She mentions her emotions occasionally, and I respect her desire to not put it all out there, but it feels a little simplistic. Everyone, including the author, seems two dimensional, not a whole person. The story almost feels like fiction it fits into a mold so neatly. Adoption is good, finding birth families is not necessary, and if you accidentally do, you are sure to find it messy. Ultimately birth parents are actually evil or stupid and weak like society believes. Adoptive parents are the real parents. She didn't say that in so many words, but I'm not sure how else to interpret her facts as they are presented.

Now her reality and story is her story even if it does read like a cautionary tale as to why to not reunite with birth parents (she actually has several birth siblings that "rose above" her parents backwards culture and make okay connections). There are very few voices representing the adult Chinese adoptee, so it is great to have her book. Her voice is important. I only wish the raw emotion of her heart (that must exist) could be heard more clearly in her voice.

(By the way, I finally figured out what code I need for my review tab to just pull up the most recent reviews instead of me creating a list. It has been bugging me for months, so I am very excited to have figured it out.)

Happy Fourth of July!

2011-07-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

I've been busy doing things with my family and taking tons of pictures--many I have posted over at my photography blog, so I haven't had time to write a thoughtful post.

But I do want to wish everyone a Happy Fourth of July (and for those in Canada, hope you had a great Canada Day!)

God Bless America! Please.

Where is Summer?

2011-06-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Summer. I really try to like summer and having my kids home all day. Last week was a little rough as we worked out a new routine, but this week has been much better. They've played with each, read, and even helped with the housework. But summer would be a little easier to enjoy if we had some actual summer weather.

Today the kids dressed in red, white, and blue, we packed a lunch and the camera, and headed to the doctor's office to have my TB test looked at and doctor's form filled out. Then we anticipated heading to the park for a picnic and some fun pictures for all the red, white, and blue photo challenges this week. After all it was 67 degrees, a little overcast, with some encouraging sunbursts.

We came out of the doctor's office 10 minutes later to a frigid (for summer) down pour and black sky. Obviously we drove home instead of to the park and I THINK my medical form for my adoption agency is still readable now that the raindrops have dried.

I don't think I have ever been so frustrated; well, at least not at any other point this week. On the plus side I don't have TB, we got some afternoon cleaning in, and I did get a fun shot of my baby girl yesterday.

Take that summer!

Trixie Belden, Star Wars, and Adult Novels

2011-06-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

We sent Huckleberry to Kindergarten not knowing how to read and a few days later he came home, said, "I can read now" and he could. SnapDragon entered Kindergarten already reading because Huckleberry had been home schooling him for years (he also knew most of his simple math add facts).

So the tricky thing has not been to get them to read, but to find books that are a challenge for them but age appropriate. We were pretty consistent at pre-reading the books Huckleberry would bring home and probably a bit over cautious. To be fair, we almost always said, "yes, you can read this," but it was handy to know what he was reading and fun (there is some great juvenile fiction out there). Ironically, he really isn't very sensitive to adult or sad themes while his brother, who we have not been as successful at protecting, is.

For Huckleberry's 5th grade graduation, Oak gave his uncle permission to buy him some of the Star Wars novels--probably two years after most kids start reading them. The first book he read was the second of a trilogy, so he found it a bit confusing but enjoyed it. The second book was the first of a different trilogy which explained a lot more of the back story and was thus easier to follow.

At the YMCA yesterday Huckleberry was reading his second book and explaining it to the lady next to him. "This is the second adult book I read. I understand it a lot more than the first adult book I read."

On the flip side, SnapDragon was on the third page of Huckleberry's first "adult" novel when we realized he was reading it. I told him he couldn't read it yet (mostly because it is actually too difficult for him at 7 to read and understand). But I offered him my childhood Trixie Belden novels (well, they are older prints I purchased as an adult since mine burnt in my parent's house fire). He started the first one yesterday.

Today as he walked through the kitchen clutching the book he said, "Mommy, reading this Trixie Belden is THRILLING!"

Oh, and now he is on book two.

Now we just need to teach Sunflower to read and we might have some quiet peace in the house again.

Boring Adoption Details

2011-06-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

Since technically this blog is about our adoption process, I should probably mention that we ARE working on our homestudy again, gathering papers, answering questions, and redoing all of our medical work. Which means today I have a doctor's appointment, Oak has one tomorrow, and the kids have an appointment on Friday. Some time this week Oak and I also have to be tested for HIV and have a urine drug test. Then the whole family has be tested for TB--an annoying and possibly painful arm prick where you have to go back in at the exactly right time to be read, I think.

Of course, none of these things are recommended by our doctor so we get to pay ala carte (though I did suggest we lie to the doctor about being high risk so they'd pay for the HIV test, but Oak didn't think that was a good idea). It didn't really bother me 5 years ago since it was part of the whole screening process and China wanted some medical assurance we would be healthy parents. This time it is a little more annoying, mostly because getting the kids TB tested seems ridiculous AND none of this information will end up in China. This is the medical report we need in order for our agency to do a new homestudy so we can apply for immigration status for our to be adopted child.

We also need to do 30 hours of adoption related training before we travel which I have no problem believing is good and necessary. Unfortunately, every book read only counts for 2 hours, so while I have like 45 hours of training, my husband only has 12. If we could just average them out we'd be almost there. We do want to take the on-line class about conspicuous families, but since this doesn't has to happen before we do our homestudy we will work on our training hours after everything else is done--the homestudy and applying for USICIS or whatever the letters are now days.

My New Toy

2011-06-25T23:14:00.000-07:00

I got my birthday present a whole month early on Friday. It is a new lens for my camera--a 50mm prime 1.8 for those that are interested. It costs about $175 more than our usual birthday presents. My husband even paid the extra $8 shipping so I could have the whole weekend to play with it and that is exactly what I did.

I played with it at dinner:

I played with it outside:

I played with it at bedtime:

Not bad given there was no light in the hall and I didn't use my flash. They are reading "The Horse and His Boy." They like it a whole lot more than they appear to in this photo!

I even got the camera out at breakfast:

Then the children had to paint so I could capture an image for my Scavenger Hunt Sunday post (at my other blog).

She has never been so focused and still! Maybe I should let them paint more often.

A Hot Air Balloon

I needed to take a lot of pictures to capture just the right image, after all it is a new lens and takes some getting used to.

SnapDragon even painted his fake name so I could show his painting on the blog.

The Pie as his last name came from Huckleberry being Huckleberry Pie in a post a few weeks ago. It doesn't work quite as well with SnapDragon...or Cedar...or Sunflower...or Oak.

Huckleberry wanted to share his painting, also.

Then I took my camera to a friend's baby shower and played some more. It was a wonderful time with terrific chicken salad sandwiches:

Lots of presents:

And that game where you have to name the baby food...Yuck!

Then I came home eager to check out my photos only to discover all of the computers in the house busy with my husband and boys playing StarCraft and Sunflower "napping." So I went outside and played some more to capture some more flowers...

And some more bees:

Finally I skipped dinner to put my pictures on the computer and play with the pictures themselves. Tomorrow I'll have even more pictures with a trip to a farm and a church leadership BBQ in the plans. I'd better go eat some dinner and go to bed so I'll have the energy to make it through the day.

5 Big Noses

2011-06-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a post for weeks on my thoughts of biology and adoption, but it is now like a 1000 words long. We entered adoption with happy naivety that biological ties did not matter, and in some ways they do not and cannot. But in other ways even 1000 words cannot cover all of the complexities (trust me, some blogs have posted those 1000 words and more).

Thankfully, so you can be spared from my rambling discourse, my daughter, Sunflower, gave me a perfect illustration of how things that do not matter to me can still matter to my child. An example of how fitting in with similar physical traits can be an intrinsic desire.

"Boo-hoo-hoo, I don't have a big nose. You have a big nose. Daddy has a big nose, but I don't have a big nose. Boo-hoo-hoo!" Massive pout and continued half-cry.

"Ummm, when you get bigger, you'll probably have a big nose," I answered while trying not to laugh and not really thinking about whether that was the correct answer.

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" with happy clapping and shaking.

For most, and even for Sunflower, this is just a silly little story but it can represent so much more. It shows the innocent desire of a child to look like her parents, to match. Sunflower does "match" and will unfortunately some day inherit one of our big noses.

I will not be able to answer my adopted child the same way because we will not know. Maybe her nose will always be small (which seems probable) or not, but not knowing is just one more thing she will have lost in her short life.

It is a loss no matter that small noses are preferred in society, no matter how often we kiss her nose with affection, no matter how beautiful she grows to be...one more loss that adds to the complication of adoption.

(Do I need to go into the corollary of how Sunflower decided big noses were desirable because her parents have them and how easy the same assumption can be made about white skin--especially in a society that reinforces that attitude--no matter what we say and teach?)

School Peace

2011-06-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! It turns out there is another family* sending their child to the in-district school with new programming where we are sending Huckleberry. This is very reassuring to me. We are not really close to this family since our outside church activities haven't crossed, but we have known them for years and really respect them.

If terrific parents like these are sending their daughter there, we might not be making a horrible mistake. (I know they are better parents than us because their children actually finish their AWANA books while our Huckleberry had 1 page left in his.)

Their daughter is nervous about going to a new school apart from all of her friends, but they are convinced it will be a better education. They are glad we are sending Huckleberry there.

Huckleberry is very happy to know someone going there. He says it changes his confidence that it is where he wants to go to school from an 81% to an 86%.

I am very grateful for this gift of peace from God. Now if I can just not mess up the whole enrollment process somehow.

*For those in the area wondering what family--they are the family with almost 6 year old twins, boy and girl, and two older daughters. I see you nod, yes, they are better parents.

Vocabulary, School, and a Hi-Jacking

2011-06-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

Me: How was your day? Good, bad, or indifferent?

SnapDragon: a little different.

Me: How so?

SnapDragon: It was 5th grade graduation so instead of library we had an extra long recess.

I guess "indifferent" isn't covered in 1st grade vocabulary.

On a side note tomorrow is Huckleberry's 5th grade graduation. I cannot believe my baby is 11. We successfuly enrolled him in the Middle School in our district that sounds like it has some great programming. It is probable, though not definite, that he will attend there in the fall. While turning in the paperwork I talked to a guidance counselor that says she enjoys working there, a district IT person that said every person she has met has been nice and friendly, and a parent of a 7th grader who said "It is the best school EVER!" and that his son attended in 6th grade and then over the summer they fired everyone (which was part of the government sponsored reworking of the school) and that "This year he loves it and has enjoyed school every day!" I told the guidance counselor that my son loves to learn and we were looking for a school where he could learn the most and continue enjoying it, and she smiled.

I appreciate everyone's advice and wisdom. Having knowledge of the atmosphere and the "more than test scores" of a school is certainly what we lack most about our in-district school option while we do know teachers and students and parents of students at the other school. It is what makes me anxious about our choices. The advice to find teachers and staff willing to lay it out is excellent though difficult to follow. However, it definitely set me on the path of asking questions and getting some reassuring answers. It is a path I will continue down for this choice and other school choices that will come up. Thank you.

It does feel overwhelming at times--like I alone am responsible for gaurenteeing my child's safety and an excellent education. Certainly they are part of my parental duties, but ultimately God is the one in control. He created my son; He knows my son; He has knowledge about the teachers and school programs that I will never have; and most of all He has a plan for my son--His child--a plan to prosper him and not to harm him.

Pondering the secrets of the universe with every expectation that he can discover them all. (I guess this was more of a post hi-jack than a side-note.)

Extra Special

2011-06-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

"There is something just extra special about you, Sunflower," I said as she snuggled in my shoulder as I lifted her from the car.

"What is it? Tell ME!"

It isn't that she can spend 24 hours refusing to walk because of a scratch (wide but shallow) on her knee even convincing the children in church child care to bring her toys because the mean old teacher (Mommy) wouldn't.

It isn't because she says, "Buckle me out!" when she wants out of her carseat.

It isn't because she can say the same thing over and over for 10 minutes with different inflections quiet enough to not be irritating. My current favorite repetitive phrases are "I got gobbels" (wearing her brother's goggles) and "I like Captain Awesome" (it has a nice ring with his real name).

She is sweet, funny, intense, smart, soft, pretty, and so much more, but really I meant "there is SOMETHING extra special about Sunflower." I don't KNOW what that extra special thing is.